How To Stop Narcissistic Daughter From Withholding Grandchildren? (Working Methods)

by Ella Carrillo · June 26, 2023

How to stop Narcissistic Daughter from withholding Grandchildren? Narcissists have this tendency to withhold to exert their control and power over someone. It is usually a human instinct to just cut off contact or ignore someone with whom you do not feel comfortable. Narcissists are those people who are really difficult to deal with, so it is a natural instinct to just not deal with them. But what happens when you have a narcissistic family member or anyone who is dear to you? How would you deal with someone then?

Having a narcissistic family member around can be difficult so this article is all about resolving the issue of how to handle a narcissistic member. If you have a narcissistic family member then dealing with them in the most effective and positive ways becomes the first priority rather than confronting and making a mess out of relations. It is very important to understand how a narcissist considers family and what they think about family and on the other hand, how would a family member feels having a narcissist around.

Narcissists can be some of the most difficult people to deal with. If you have to deal with a narcissist in your life without much choice, you might be knowing how difficult it is. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition, where the person has an extremely high sense of self which includes boosted self-esteem, self-centeredness, high self-worth, boosted ego, and a low tolerance for criticism, emotions, and attachments.

So dealing carefully, patiently, and smartly with a narcissist becomes important to live your life peacefully around them. It is okay if you have a narcissistic family member, that is not your fault. They are a part of the family so support them in ways when they need your help and also support yourself by distancing. They are your family, but yes personal growth, peace, and wellness are also important. So if you have a narcissist in your life do not worry, just be open to them by drawing certain boundaries, clearing differences, and giving them selective access to you.

But when your own child is a narcissist, you cannot just cut them off, or simply remove them from your life. Also, you wish to spend time with them, and their children and enjoy life again. So if you have a narcissistic daughter, who keeps her children to herself and does not allow you as their parents to go any closer to her kids or your grandkids, then this may become a really sad and despairing situation.

If at all any of your behavior has upset your daughter, the first thing she might levy is not allowing you near her kids, or keeping you away from her family, as it is a narcissist’s nature to withhold in times of despair to seek revenge or get back at someone.

Narcissistic daughters or daughters-in-law use this tactic of withholding their kids from their parents or parents-in-law when something upsets them. They might also implement such strategies which might create a divide between the family members too.

Narcissistic Daughters and Daughters-in-Law may be responsible for parting families apart, or at least play a role in creating differences among family members. Daughters-in-Law may also be held responsible for separating the son’s from their parents especially mothers in many cases also daughters and daughters-in-law may be responsible for separating their grandchildren from their grandparents.

So how should you deal with such situations then? Is it better to confront them? or cope with them?

Is it better to confront a narcissist or just cope with them?

Dealing with a narcissist can be one of the toughest things you might face, as you never know what to expect from them. It is complicated and a complex process, thus rather than confronting, coping is a way better option. Confronting a narcissist might also hurt their ego, and also make the situation harder than it already is.

When you discover that someone close to you is suffering from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), the first thing you think of is to tell them or confront them and heal yourself through their repentance. But is it even possible? Should you confront a narcissist about this? You would wish to get justification for all the miseries that you have suffered because of the narcissist.

Also, there will be a few consequences when you confront a narcissist,

You can face their wrath
You might face their arrogance and bitterness
You may be treated with the silent treatment
Their counterstatement and arguments
Most observed and expected reactions are “negation” or denial

When you know a narcissistic person can be troublesome; do not nitpick. There is not much left you can do here. You would be the bad person here if you try to confront them about this. Narcissists run away from the truth and they do not like being told about reality. Narcissists are not good while dealing with truth, feelings, vulnerabilities, and confrontations.

Confrontations may arouse a narcissist’s wrath and they might make a scene. They would be loud and volatile about being confronted. So rather than confronting them, you may either choose to ignore or just side-track the topic or may even leave it altogether or just find a way to cope with them every time. Thus coping with them can be a win-win situation for both of you.

So the answer here is very simple. Always keep in mind that confronting a Narcissist can always put you in a tough position. “Confronting a Narcissist would be like fighting a battle of wills.”So it is better if you cope with a Narcissist rather than confronting them because the final goal here is seeing them happy if they are family, and also it is better for everyone’s well-being.

How to Cope With a Narcissistic Daughter?

Do not try to take the authority, instead just follow her rules
Do not give her advice or even try to work your way with her
Try to be as pleasant as possible with her, but avoid being over-friendly or nosy
Be in the grey space (safe space); do not take sides
Set your boundaries
Acceptance is the key
Knowing more about Narcissism
Do not confront your Narcissistic Daughter

Why would a Narcissistic daughter withhold grandchildren? – Probable reasons

There are a few typical or common reasons for a narcissistic daughter to withhold her children from her parents, but not all daughters do so and the reasons might also differ for each individual. Let us get to some probable reasons for the same here below,

Attention seeking

Narcissists love attention, and they would do anything to gain that. So when a narcissistic daughter feels that her parents or in-laws are not paying enough attention to her, but to her baby only, she would be all jealous. And would do anything to gain back the attention. And thus withholding her children from their grandparents is one such way to gain attention back.

For getting control around

As much as narcissists love attention, they also love control equally. They want everyone around them to focus more on them. So a narcissistic daughter would use her children as leverage to deny access to her parents if at all their relationship gets troubled at any point in time. In such cases, grandchildren just become a tool between the narcissistic mother and her parents, ie. the child’s grandparents.

Jealousy

Jealousy is one of the prominent emotional responses you can expect from a narcissist when something or someone gets more attention than them. A narcissist is someone who needs attention, praise, boost, and appreciation all the time. They want to be the center of attraction or the elephant in the room.

So when that does not happen, a narcissist is jealous. Narcissists often tend to be competitive in many dimensions of life, and so they always need to be most prominent in whatever they do or with whoever they are. They even get jealous of their children. For instance, when a narcissistic mother is getting more attention than her from their grandparents, then they would just feel jealous that her parents are not paying enough to her.

Emotional Manipulation

Manipulation is a prime tool used by narcissists to get what they wish. So when a narcissistic daughter does not get what she wants from her parents, then at such point she also might use withholding her own children to blackmail her parents. Emotional abuse is the worst form of abuse and yet narcissists use it more than required.

Punishment

Narcissists tend to punish everyone who tries to oppose them or try to against their wishes. The punishment can sometimes be physical, but in most cases, it is emotional and mental abuse and manipulation. So in the case of a narcissistic daughter, when she feels she is being ignored or her parents crossed some sort of line by interrupting her or heckling her in her work, she would simply choose to withhold her parents from meeting or seeing their grandparents. Narcissists can be so much mean and you might not even realize it, as you get used to their abusive and toxic behaviors.

Fear of Abandonment

When narcissists have children, their fear of being abandoned by their own parents gets elevated, especially in the case of narcissistic daughters. Narcissistic daughters fear that their children may seek all the attention from their family and might get abandoned by their own family members, so they might withhold their children from family members to continue receiving the attention. Narcissists do not like to share attention with anyone else, even though their own children are getting some part of their attention.

How to Stop Narcissistic Daughter from Withholding Grandchildren? (Working Methods)

Remember that you are dealing with your own daughter, even though she is narcissistic, you know ways to handle her. So stay strong-hearted and strong-willed and do not let her manipulate you. Also, some ways to deal with her while she is withholding your grandkids are mentioned below,

Knowing more about Narcissism

Knowing more about Narcissism can help you understand anybody with NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) better. This is the best and utmost way to cope with a narcissistic person. You can also know ways and tricks to handle a narcissistic daughter and also not upset her. Learning elaborately about narcissism can help you to know more traits of a narcissistic individual and also help to adapt to their ways of dealing. You have to know more about narcissism when you have a narcissistic family member.

Navigate your relationship with your grandkids

Communicate about this with your grandkids and also navigate a way to make your grandchildren understand their mother’s behavior and not get affected.

Try communicating with your daughter

She might be facing some issues and as a way to navigate that problem, she might be withholding her children from you. SO communicating clearly might help. Discuss the problem thoroughly. Also, remember narcissists never step back once they make up their minds, so use a soft tone with your daughter and try to convince her.

Setting firm boundaries

Setting boundaries might initially upset your narcissistic daughter at first, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth. Be less accessible to her. Do not pay attention to her tantrums. Make your heart stronger and just set boundaries to ensure your emotional well-being. Always try to resolve this by satisfying your own and your daughter’s wishes. Do not let the narcissist win always. Narcissists fear abandonment, so when you set boundaries, they feel that you are creating a barrier between yourself and her so she might also give in and also understand her mistake, and how badly she has been treating you. Also, she might not withhold her children anymore.

Try to resolve this issue by involving other family members

When your daughter does not listen to your plead to let you near your grandchildren, involve someone who can be trusted by both, you and your daughter to resolve the issue.

In Conclusion

When your own daughter withholds her children from you, then this experience can be hurtful, but do not get disheartened, and do not lose hope. Just remember that she is your daughter ultimately, and you can handle her even though she is a narcissist. So be strong and apply some of the ways mentioned above when your daughter withholds her children from you. Also, remember that your grandchildren need you, more than you need them so do not lose hope and resolve the issue with your daughter so that it does not strain your relationship with your grandchildren. Do not let ego disturb beautiful relationships.

Author
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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

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