Weird Things That Covert Narcissists Do (& Reasons Why they Do It?)

by Ella Carrillo · January 28, 2023

Discussing more regarding covert narcissists and some of the weird things that Covert Narcissists do will be discussed in this article. Generally, narcissism is linked with grandiosity, openness, extroverts, and magnified conduct, but with covert narcissism, this completely differs. It is important not to generalize something, and to look at details in order to understand it better.

Not all acts and things can be justifiable that a narcissist is doing or is up to, as they are nearly unpredictable in many aspects of life, and thus it often takes you by surprise that they also have many such strange behavioral tactics and the deeds they do out of it. So let us dig further and know more about covert narcissism, its traits, and some of the weird things that Covert Narcissists do along with some of the possible reasons for why do they do it.

What is a Narcissist?

A Narcissist is an individual who is excessively obsessed to have control over all situations in their life, control over all individuals and their behavior, and also expects everyone around the to focus just on them. They intend to be the center of attraction in all situations.

A Narcissist person craves attention all the time, lacks care and empathy, can be rude and blunt, ignores other people’s feelings, and has troubled relationships. Narcissists can play mind tricks and manipulate you. They can easily manipulate you by mirroring any personality trait that you desire and deceiving you.

If you are dealing with a narcissist or have dealt with one at any point in time then you might be familiar with narcissistic traits and how they lure their victims to feed on them emotionally. When narcissists desire something, then by any means they need to pertain to that. Narcissists are always loud, noticeable, grandiose, and open about their actions, but covert narcissism is a little different. Let us know more about covert narcissists and how are they different.

What is Covert Narcissism?

What is a Covert Narcissist? How do you identify covert narcissists? Let us know about the types of narcissists, and understand more about covert narcissism.

What are the types of narcissists who have been identified by experts?

According to mental health experts and psychologists, there are some common types that define a narcissistic personality in a being suffering from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). There are majorly five main types namely Overt, Covert, Malignant, Communal, and Antagonist Narcissism.

Though every human possesses these traits in a neutral capacity which is more or less not harmful, people with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) possess and manifest these traits more than usual which can be harmful to them and to the people around them. Thus making it tough for people around them to deal with them. Narcissists possess and reveal these traits in obscene volumes.

So if you come across any type you know how to recognize their traits. The most common and peculiar types are as mentioned below,

Grandiose (Unconcealed/Overt)

Grandiose or Overt Narcissism is the most common type observed among narcissists. This type of narcissistic personality displays an unconcealed act of aggression openly and struggles to hide their aggression socially. They constantly try to prove their worth, thinking about how others think of them, proving their superiority over others, and much more.

Some peculiar traits of Grandiose Narcissism are, aggressiveness, arrogance, constant need to gain attention, and most importantly they are self-absorbed. They are the extroverts of the NPD group.

Covert (Dainty)

This type of narcissistic personality does not display any symptoms openly but is closely associated with mental health issues in terms of anxiety and depression. It is the complete opposite type of overt narcissism.

Narcissists are recognized for their loud and noticeable behaviors but that is not the case with Covert Narcissism. Some peculiar traits of covert narcissists are, they can associate more with childhood trauma, they are introverted and shy, have low self-esteem, always in a need to play the victim, moreover are repulsive to criticism.

Malignant

As the name suggests, malignant narcissists possess traits like ill intentions, hurting others, spitefulness, and revenge-seeking.

Communal

It is the opposite of the Antagonist type and some peculiar traits include, moral exploitation, describing themselves for something they are not, and expressing through loud and noticeable reactions.

Antagonist

This is the least recognizable type as they do not show or possess any of the above-mentioned symptoms, but only act self-centered, exploit others and take advantage in certain situations like a failure or loss.

What is a Covert Narcissist? – Or who can be termed under a Covert Narcissist tag?

Covert Narcissism is associated with individuals who are not extravagant or more outwardly regarding their personality disorder. They do not exhibit or associate much with external stereotypical traits of a narcissist like grandiose, luster, and overtness. This does not mean they do not possess narcissistic traits or are aloof from the narcissistic personality disorder.

This simply means that they have been diagnosed with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) but are introverts or inward people of the NPD group. As per the dictionary meaning of the word covert, it refers to “not openly displayed or shown”. So covert narcissism or covert narcissists do not show or display stereotypical traits but still possess some vigorous traits.

Narcissists are usually recognized for their loud and noticeable behaviors but that is not the case with Covert Narcissism. Some peculiar traits of covert narcissists are, they can associate more with childhood trauma, they are introverted and shy, have low self-esteem, always in a need to play the victim, moreover are repulsive to criticism.

Covert narcissists may come across as simple-minded and polite with money matters too. But it is not what it looks like. A covert narcissist may not spend money on you privately but when it comes to spending money publically, they would be grandiose about that. A covert narcissist may spend money on you but mention it multiple times.

For instance, they would be gifting you expensive stuff of their choice and also provide a bill saying, “If you want to exchange this in case you do not like it”. They might also suggest that you may require the bill for further maintenance and thus disclose the amount they invested for you on the expensive gift. Thus covert narcissism is also associated with similar agendas as grandiose but they are more introverted, reserved, and withdrawn and are hidden behind their silent, inaudible, shy, or not much noticeable selves and actions.

Weird Things that Covert Narcissists do – Reasons why they do it!

They blame you for their fault
They are resentful after giving
They smear your name for their benefits
They would never listen to what you have to say
They display passive-aggressive behavior
They are forgetful on purpose
They are mean and do not wish to involve themselves with anyone genuinely
They are highly competitive
They are different with different people
They devalue themselves for whipping attention
They cannot take jokes or criticism

1. They blame you for their fault

Narcissists always think that they can never ever be wrong, as they are these perfect beings who are superior and more capable than others. There is no fault, apology, or guilt in their little dictionary of concepts. They are experts in putting all the blame on others. Once they feel that they are losing control or somehow finding themselves at some fault in any aspect, they will find a way to transfer all the blame onto you even if it takes up making up all kinds of lies.

Even though seems pretty clear who is at fault, a Narcissist would never take the blame and behave as if you are the one making all the mistakes. They point out others like,

They might just twist the complete fault and act like they are all innocent and it is the other person who is guilty.
They might act all innocent despite being at fault and make an appealing point which may seem as if it is the mistake of the other person.

2. They are resentful after giving

Narcissists do not believe in giving away, they simply believe in receiving. A narcissist likes to do things that add to their fake image. A narcissist gifts you with strings attached, they expect a lot in return and keep on mentioning it.

3. They smear your name for their benefits

If a narcissist has some sort of benefit, they would even smear your name or spread rumors about you.

A narcissist would not hesitate even once to spread rumors about you and would tell all sorts of stories and lies to turn people around you against you. They would wish all people just cut ties with you and then you have to rely on them. They would not allow people to know your side of the story.

4. They would never listen to what you have to say

The narcissist has an intimidating habit of making everyone listen to what they say. They consider that what they say is only of great importance and that other people lack the level of intelligence they have. They have an opinion on every topic or every action of yours. They would badger you with their opinions and perspectives disregarding yours. So cutting them or dismissing their comments would just piss them and their reactions would be full of arrogance as their fragile ego would be hurt. Just try to walkway while they are still talking and watch them being pissed and messed up.

5. They display passive-aggressive behavior

A narcissist’s thought processes and reflexes are a little impossible to predict precisely. They act impulsively out of rage when proven wrong or pointed fingers at. Narcissists are passive-aggressive beings, who fail to connect emotionally with their loved ones hence they use various methods to feel powerful. Their actions always differ from what they have to say or believe.

They are prone to create an imaginary world, where they say and make all crude, concrete, and everlasting promises and false and fictitious scenarios but indeed are rudimentary about the execution of those. So when you date a narcissist, you are always blinded by their fake and goody personality initially but are constantly manipulated throughout the course of your relationship.

6. They are forgetful on purpose

Narcissists would not remember anything you tell them, instead they would provide various excuses to avoid doing the work. They would not like to do any work, and in return, they would just act to be forgetful.

7. They are mean and do not wish to involve themselves with anyone genuinely

Narcissists are always in search of a fresh supply and people tend to fall victim to their many charms. One of them is mirroring. They would be impressing you with words you like, their likes and dislikes would match yours, and they would be pretending to understand you in a way that nobody else could making a comfortable atmosphere for you to be impressed by their mirroring techniques.

Narcissists are allergic to any form of intimacy, so they would keep that in mind that they do not form an intimacy with you and flatter you only that much so that they can gain your trust. Narcissistic mirroring is usually unhealthy and toxic because the relationship they form with you in a short time is just based on lies and fakes, and when the relationship reaches a stage this mirroring takes an ugly shape revealing all the red flags which you do not want in your relationships.

Falseness, lack of trust, breach of commitments, and disloyalty are some of the narcissistic traits that are an integral part of their character and personality. They even have control issues and so they can’t control their nasty desires, materialistic needs, and physical intimacy needs.

They may leave you when they find someone better than you or for fulfilling their magnified needs for lovemaking. To fulfill their empty and shallow life, narcissists gain attention, praise, and whatever they need to present their grandiosity of life. So if they are getting all of these needs fulfilled by someone else in a better manner they might leave you for their new source of supply.

8. They are highly competitive

Narcissists would not even leave aside children or an old aged person and would compete fiercely with them. They love competition and winning. For instance, they would plunge into an argument with a child or an old age person easily, and also would love to win those arguments. Even though children and old aged people are not to be compared with, they are highly competitive even with those who are incomparable.

When you are somehow related to a narcissist everything you do together may seem like a competition. They want to be better at everything than you. For instance, if you both have the same workplace and are colleagues, they would do anything to perform better than you and get a promotion. Or if you succeed more than them, they would be jealous and fight over you.

In healthy relationships, this would not be the case, both partners would be equal and there would be healthy competition. But when in a relationship with a narcissist, always expect unhealthy competition. So in this case, challenge them and perform better than them, this situation is going to be miserable for them. Being their biggest competitor would just throw them off their right mind and would mess with their mind.

9. They are different with different people

A narcissist would behave differently around others, but when everyone is not around and it is just them and you, they would reveal their narcissistic side and manipulate you. They would be all sweet, fake, and nice to you in front of others but mean, rude and inconsiderate when no one is around to watch. They would not want to reveal their narcissistic side to anyone so they would play manipulative games and hide behind fake facades. They would talk behind your back and devaluate you in front of everyone.

10. They devalue themselves for whipping attention

This would come to you as a surprise as narcissists value themselves highly. They consider that they are different and entitled from everyone else. But when it comes to gaining pity, sympathy, and favors from others they would simply devalue themselves to gain favors like physical intimacy, monetary gains, or any kind of help that they desire.

11. They cannot take jokes or criticism

The narcissist might crack mean jokes, might also expose all your secrets, or might use you as an imaginary punch back with their humiliating punches in the face. A Narcissist can be as direct as possible, they even might point fingers at you and might also call you names.

They love being as direct as possible, pointing out mistakes, and criticizing everyone when you are wrong but the minute you do the same with them, they would be super pissed. Narcissists cannot take criticism and mean jokes and this can be a dangerous situation for you as you can also face their rage.

Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

Weird Things That Covert Narcissists Do (& Reasons Why they Do It?)

What is a Narcissist?

What is Covert Narcissism?