Why Do Narcissists Have Affairs? – 7 Potential Reasons

by Ella Carrillo · February 26, 2024

Why do Narcissists have affairs? Not all narcissists can be judged in the same manner, yet the concepts of narcissism and infidelity have been associated with each other. Many mental health experts also have provided enough evidence in the form of research and studies to prove this.

There have been many studies and research that serve as evidence to establish and validate the connection between narcissism and infidelity.

A study published in the journal; Personality and Individual Differences, stated that people suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder were more likely to engage in behavior that may related to infidelity like flirting, keeping secrets, and engaging in appealing behavior despite being committed to a partner.

Narcissists engage in such behavior and when caught by their partners, they may blame their partners for being unable, uncaring, and difficult. They may pick out all sorts of imperfections to support their wrong actions and provide justifications for the same.

In some cases, you may also be manipulated by them and their twisted lies, so much so that you may start blaming yourself for their faulty actions. You must not get brainwashed by their manipulative lies and be self-assured that it is not your fault.

Despite accepting their actions would a narcissist negotiate rationally like adults? No, they may keep pinning the blame on their partners and would not accept the fact that they committed a mistake by cheating.

They may also not discuss this problem face to face like adults, but keep on avoiding the issue altogether.

So when you realize that it is not your fault, and even after making a few efforts to make the relationship better, the narcissist keeps up with their childish behavior, you must decide for yourself whether to continue the relationship or move on and heal yourself emotionally from the toxicity and abuse.

You must realize that this is not on you and even your efforts are not going to stop the narcissist from cheating on you. Thus ignore their false claims and believe what you wish.

Narcissistic characteristics are one of the prime reasons for them to cheat and it is an inevitable fact.

Now you may wonder what makes a narcissist cheat. Various reasons may depend on an individual’s characteristics and personality. Yet there are a few generic reasons that can provide a grounded answer to the question, “Why do Narcissists have affairs?”

Why do Narcissists have Affairs?

The cheating behavior of narcissists can be a result of various phenomena and factors. A cheating narcissist might often lie, manipulate, and deceive their partners. They may also not feel any guilt, or remorse for their behavior as they lack empathy and thus they would be unable to understand the importance of a genuine emotional and intimate connection.

Control

Narcissists hate losing control and when this happens in their current relationships, they may have affairs to get a grip. They would have affairs to control their relationships. Narcissists hate the idea of being single, thus they may not push the boundaries of their current relationship and lose control. But they are also unable to accept the fact that they are losing control and thus they may have affairs to boost their ego.

An affair for a narcissist can be as easy as a child choosing their favorite toy. So even if their partner decides to part ways they have other options to obtain a narcissistic supply. So when their partner leaves they can rely on their affair partners.

They objectify people

Narcissists see people as objects because they lack empathy. They often objectify people and view them as commodities rather than viewing them as an equivalent human.

They often view their partners as mere extensions of themselves and a tool to satisfy their desires and needs. They objectify people to control, manipulate, and use them for their benefit. When they view people as objects, it gives them a boost of self and superiority.

Narcissists are selfish and thus their loyalty may fade away in front of their desires. Thus if they see people as mere objects, they may not have to be faithful to the ones they are committed to.

They crave adoration

Narcissists crave adoration, and it provides them with a delusion of being superior. They feel that they are liked and desired by all and thus people’s adoration gives them power and reaffirmation.

Narcissists thrive upon compliments and they cannot neglect their admirers thus they may give in to their desires and get swayed and flattered by other people’s compliments. Who does not like to hear how great they are, and over that narcissists are full of themselves so they are suckers for compliments.

But it is always not that people keep persuading and approaching the narcissist, it is also the other way around. Narcissistic characteristics like a desire to gain attention make them chase and try a chance with their admirers.

Some narcissists like flings and by flirting they can satisfy their desires of intimacy and gain an ego boost. The buzz may wear off eventually for them, and thus this may or may not end their affair forcing them to return to their partners.

It all starts with a little flirting and a desire for adoration with your friends and can end up in a fully blown affair and a case of infidelity.

Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists have a heightened sense of self-importance and entitlement which makes them believe that they are special and that normal rules made by humans are not meant for them. They are above an average human and thus they can desire everything and anything, even if it includes getting involved with multiple partners.

Narcissists often consider them eligible to do everything that pleases them without the consideration of other people and their feelings.

It also happens that some narcissists rush to be committed and marry their lovers. So why would a narcissist commit and tie the knot if they cannot be loyal to their partners?

Narcissists like the idea of being married which provides them with a sense of control power, and entitlement. They consider their partners as their properties or mere commodities to control and make them follow their obeyance.

Thus the narcissist might rush to tie the knot with their partners so that they can control and establish their power.

Also, narcissist are so full of themselves, that if they wish to cheat they would without caring about their promises of loyalty and faithfulness to their partners. They believe they are entitled to everything and also this makes their actions justifiable.

They may blame their partners for making them feel unloved which drove them to take such steps of cheating.

Boredom

To fulfill their empty and shallow life, narcissists gain attention, praise, and whatever they need to support their grandiose lifestyle. So if they are getting all of these needs fulfilled by someone else they may have an affair.

If they are bored with you then they may try different people to fulfill their needs. Narcissists have a dating loop that is almost never-ending until they desire to settle down. Narcissists can get easily bored and dissatisfied with their partner, once they feel their source of supply has been drained. Narcissists do not have empathy leading them to completely ignore another person’s emotions and prioritize their nasty desires over their partner’s feelings.

They might cheat on you when they feel that the charm and chase are over, the excitement and lust are gone, and the purpose (whatever they have been using you for like money, physical intimacy, just to cop with their former breakup or a fresh supply) is over, and they finally can no longer use you for their gains.

This is when they decide to get their wishes fulfilled through others and thus choose multiple affair partners yet they may not leave you as they can be bored from their affairs and they need someone to return to.

Back up plan

A narcissist is always searching for supply, so they would continue the relationship even after getting involved in affairs and flings, as they see you as a source or a backup option for their narcissistic supply on whom they rely and come back to when they need to.

Narcissists hate being single and on their own. They need people to adore, admire, validate, and give attention. Thus they indulge themselves in affairs and keep you as a backup plan.

They may also stick with their partners either because of commitment, the responsibility of children, or sometimes out of guilt. Thus they may have no intention of leaving their partners, but also keep their affairs going for as long as possible.

They can have their partners if things with their affair partners go south and they have no one but their partners to rely on.

Fear of Abandonment

Narcissists fear abandonment as they struggle to fit in the world that does not run according to them and their ideologies. Narcissists may even be aware of their toxicity in some cases but would brush aside those thoughts.

Thus they may be well aware of how difficult it is to be with them, and they would try to connect with as many partners as possible through affairs and flings.

They have insecurities due to their abusive style of attachment. A style of attachment is the way a person connects with other people and forms intimate relationships. This is influenced by trust and self-worth.

Thus they cannot be fully attached to their partners and seek intimacy with other people.

In Conclusion

The infidelity rate is quite higher among narcissists, which may become a concern for all those who are romantically associated with a narcissist. So can a narcissist be trusted with this matter? Are all narcissists the same? So the answer to this question is, “NO, not all narcissists are the same. It completely depends on the individual beliefs and characteristics of a person.

However, there have been many studies and research that serve as evidence to establish and validate the connection between narcissism and infidelity.

You must realize that this is not on you and even your efforts are not going to stop the narcissist from cheating on you. Thus ignore their false claims and believe what you wish. You also deserve a happy and healthy life.

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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

Why Do Narcissists Have Affairs? – 7 Potential Reasons