What Will Trigger Narcissistic Hoover? (Avoid These)

by Ella Carrillo · June 24, 2023

What Will Trigger Narcissistic Hoover? What is Narcissist Hoovering? And why should you be away or steer clear from any hoovering possibilities? Can it be threatening or dangerous for you? Going further through the article would be providing all the answers to all the questions related to hoovering.

What is Narcissist Hoovering?

When you end a relationship with a narcissist, it is just not over there. You would finally be taking a breath of relief, as you are out of the narcissist’s toxic and abusive relationship cycle, but get ready to be burdened again by the narcissist’s manipulation and persuasion as the relationship is just not over yet.

Narcissists use this persuasive tactic called hoovering, where they lure their victims; victims include their ex-romantic partners or life partner if any. Once you break up with a narcissist, or they discard you, it is not yet over in many cases. Even though it is the narcissist who has discarded you, that does not matter, they would approach you if they need you. Narcissists thrive upon their narcissistic supply, which they receive mainly from their partners, their friends, family members, or even acquaintances in some cases.

The term Hoovering is often used in reference to narcissism; Narcissistic Hoovering as many individuals with narcissistic personalities tend to associate with it. Hoovering is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to contact and lure their victims, victims include their ex-partners to gain benefits from them once again. They use this tactic when they feel lonely, have no sources to obtain their narcissistic supply, or when they are bored with their recent partners. In such circumstances, narcissists contact their exes, to pull them back into the toxic relationship, which they once had in the past.

Narcissist hoovering means purposely contacting a person, or not letting go of them even though they do not wish to be in touch. Thus narcissists use hoovering tactics, especially with their exes more often. Hoovering is a tactic usually applied to re-establish a lost bond to gain some benefit or simply build a relationship with them once again.

The one and ultimate goal of narcissistic Hoover is to tempt or persuade their ex-romantic partners, back into the relationship by manipulating them, abusing them emotionally, and guilt-tripping them about ending the relationship (if they were the one who left the narcissist in the first place), but if the narcissist is the one who left them, then the narcissist would present them as this imaginary changed person by projecting such a fake image on their victims.

If you want a peaceful life ahead of you, never fall for narcissistic hoovering in the first place as narcissistic hoovering is deceptive. It is like a mirage in the desserts, an optical illusion. The mirage in the desserts can trick the travelers, in the same way a narcissist uses hoovering tactics to lure victims and manipulate them as they please.

Narcissists are smooth liars who can lie about their changed personalities to their victims without blinking once. Their lies are deceptive as they change with the withering hour. They would beg you to come back by making false promises, false and deceptive situations, and a projected personality that is just temporary just to persuade their victims. Their promises, or sentences that they present to persuade you are just as hollow as their true personalities. Narcissists cannot change completely, as it is really difficult to change someone’s core personality and you might also have experienced it if you have ever been with a narcissist.

Also, there is also the slightest possibility that the narcissist might have changed a little bit after breaking up, but their traits might not have changed completely. So do not fall for their false and empty claims and promises. Thus narcissist hoovering is completely deceptive and one should be really careful while dealing with narcissist hoover or keep your safe distance from narcissistic exes, that way you would not fall for their trap once again.

Narcissist hoovering is deceptive, and you need far-sightedness to figure out really what is going on. As they say, you can understand some paintings when you take a step back, in the same way, to understand narcissistic hoovering you need to look at the bigger picture and not just the immediate situation. Try to connect the puzzle pieces to understand the real picture and reality of the situation.

Just enjoying your life full of freedom seems like a good idea after getting separated from a narcissist. But if you equally miss the narcissist, or love them truly then you can give a thought to the idea of getting back with them when they persuade you.

Why do Narcissists Hoover?

As discussed above, the main reason that narcissists hoover is to gain back the attention of their victims(exes or previous romantic partners) as they cannot really let go of someone completely. Narcissists feel that they might need someone in the future and thus they keep you accessible. Unless and until you have betrayed them, or hurt them badly, narcissists would never let you go completely from their life, as they think each and every one of their exes is capable of providing them narcissistic supply when nobody is around for them. narcissists never let go of someone as they feel that they would be able to lure them in their old age if and when they would not have anyone.

Narcissists either seek revenge, blackmail you, or hoover around after breaking up if they have not yet found their next victim. They do these to not lose their control and also obtain their narcissistic supply. it is really difficult to date a narcissist due to their anger, rage and also an unhealthy relationship they maintain due to their toxic and abusive traits. Thus they depend upon their family members, romantic partners, and anyone who provides them the narcissistic supply that they desire so much. There are a few other reasons as to why a narcissist might hoover and they are mentioned below,

To avoid the feeling of abandonment – Narcissists fear being abandoned the most. They cannot bear the fact that they are all alone in life, so they either keep dating and make dating a toxic and continuous cycle and when they cannot find someone new they would dive back to their exes. Thus hoovering is like insurance or a tactic through which they can lure back their exes or victims once again and obtain their narcissistic supply.

To keep backup options – Narcissists always like to keep backup sources to gain their narcissistic supply. Thus they hoover around their exes when they are not dating anyone actively to receive what they desire without making much of a commitment.

To regain their control – Narcissists admire controlling everyone and that also includes their exes. Yes, you heard it right, even after breaking up, a narcissist would not let their control go easily, they would still hoover to keep a check on their exes and whenever they get a chance they would grab that opportunity to get back with them if they are in need of something from them. By reentering their victim’s life at their dull moment, a narcissist makes a way for themselves to get back with them.

To fulfill their needs – Narcissists have many needs and greed. They are very greedy when it comes to getting power, money, control, or any favors that are sexual. Narcissists cannot control their desires thus they hoover around their exes to keep their options open to fulfill their needs.

Examples of Narcissistic Hoovering

By starting with simple accidental texts, calls, or even meetups
Next comes the reappearing
Calling on special dates and occasions
Reaching out through social media
By guilt-tripping their victims about leaving the relationship
Threatening with threats of self-harm
Trying to befriend you
Making big commitments and promises
By gaslighting their partners
Not letting go of your possessions
Demanding a closure
Bethinking past memories and reminding them
Presenting themselves as a changed individual
By making fake promises or projecting their changed behavior which in reality is a big lie as narcissists never change entirely
Flaunting with a new partner
Out-of-the-blue meetups on holidays or special reminiscing dates
Reaching out to your family, friends, or acquaintances
They would do anything to break your confidence
Love bombing you with gifts and so-called attachment
Playing the victim card on their latest target (which is also their ex or someone whom they have already discarded once)

What Will Trigger Narcissistic Hoover? (Try to avoid these)

Narcissists are often characterized by their boosted sense of self-importance, self-pride, and self-needs. With a narcissist, everything is just about them. Narcissists thrive upon the attention, adoration, and validation that they receive from others, and what makes them distinguished from others is the way they think and the way they behave, which is totally selfish and mean. Unless and until they have some benefit then and then only they might want you in their life.

Thus they use the hoovering tactic to re-enter their victim’s life, to either obtain something or just out of need. Narciistsic hoover can occur immediately after the breakup or it can also occur after a long period of no contact. It is just a selfish gesture of narcissists towards their ex-victims just because they need something from them or they are bored and feel lonely in their life then they approach their ex-victims just to obtain what they need or just fill that void in their life. Now let us know the triggers that ignite the narcissistic Hoover,

When their new partner is unable to meet a narcissist’s expectations

Narcissists can easily move on into another relationship, as soon as they break up with their previous partner, and you are just left clueless after they discard you. You also slowly and gradually decide to move on not into another relationship necessarily, but towards embarking on your journey of healing. But then the difficult period starts when you are in between your healing process and the narcissist shows up unannounced at your door to get back with you, just because they are not feeling fulfilled with their current partner and so they approach you.

They approach their ex-partners because they know that their exes are well aware of what they need, wish, and desire more than their new/current partners. Also when their current partner becomes aware of their true nature, they tend to leave or the relationship starts going downwards. Thus when any such thing takes place, a narcissist would immediately try to get back with their exes, with the help of hoovering tactic.

Narcissist hoover when they feel that you are moving on with your life

Narcissists cannot bear the fact that you are moving on in life or you have found someone better before them. When they hear about their old narcissistic supply moving on before them, this ignites the Hoover mode and they would approach you either to convince you to get back with them, or divert or distract them from your new catch o partner.

When a narcissist finds out that you are happy without their presence in your life, it just makes the narcissist jealous and they would not be able to give a rest to their thoughts. They would just be finding ways to either draw your attention to them and get back to you.

Lack of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists thrive on narcissistic supply. They usually have many backup options regarding their sources who can provide them their dose of supply whenever they require. But when they feel that their options are limited to none, they approach their exes by hoovering and thus trying to befriend or get back with them.

What is Narcissistic Supply?

A Narcissistic supply is everything that makes a narcissist fulfilled. Meaning, a narcissist seeks attention, adoration, sympathy, empathy, power, control, validation, and everything that makes them feel special; all these make a narcissist’s life fulfilled and thus they sum up to be a narcissistic supply. Their life is an empty case without their narcissistic supply and thus they are ready to do anything and everything to obtain their narcissistic supply.

A desire to seek closure

When a narcissist feels that their previous relationship ended abruptly and on a bad note, they would try to contact their partner just to seek a proper closure and manger their relationship by ending it on a good note with so that they can easily use them when and when required.

Out of Boredom

A narcissist might hoover around you just to remind that initial spark that you had with them when it was the honeymoon phase of your relationship. Narcissists always like to keep their life exciting and so they might hoover.

Do all Narcissists hoover?

The answer is a yes and a no. Usually, it is observed by psychology experts that many narcissists hoover as they cannot go along for a long time without getting their dose of supply like validation, ego boosts, praise, vulnerabilities, and much more so they probably hoover.

In case they have found someone new as their supply source, or they are simply not interested in you as much then they might not hoover.

But if they are truly into you, then they might hoover and not give up until you give up and return to the toxic relationship. They are headstrong about hoovering in such cases.

Important Takeaway

Narcissists try to hoover around their exes and victimize them again, as they cannot let go easily. It can be really difficult to break up with a narcissist as they can blackmail you, take revenge, or hoover around for a long period of time. They do this because they do not want to lose control over their source of supply.

And there are a few triggers that are mentioned above for narcissistic Hoover, so if you understand those, you might be able to avoid it or save yourself time before narcissist tricks you to enter into an abusive and toxic relationship.

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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.