What Should You Include in a Closure Letter to a Narcissist?
What Should You Include in a Closure Letter to a Narcissist? Finding it difficult to have a conversation for ending the relationship with the narcissist, then you should pen down what you feel, along with the reason for separation, also adding a few lines for their amazing future and all those things that you were unable to mention right on their face or say it upfront. Because ending things with a narcissist is always difficult and nerve wrecking as they never fully cut ties with you. The vicious dating cycle of their discard and reappearance keeps going on and on unless you take the charge of ending things and just completely cut ties for good for once and for all.
Narcissist hoover and linger around their exes unless they get a complete closure with them. So how do you make them believe that the relationship is over for real? There are a few ways that you can do this nicely without being tormented and thus breaking up and ending things easily without much anguish includes,
- Writing a closure letter that includes a list of plausible reasons, that you are leaving the relationship. Pen down all possible examples, instances and incidents that made you decide ending things with them.
- Do not end things abruptly through texts, emails or uninformed. If you end things without providing the required closure, then the narcissist would definitely hoover or not get the sign that you desire to end things with them.
- If you are not willing to provide them with a desired closure, then do not wait, text or call, just block them immediately after making it clear that you desire to end the relationship. Do not forget to block them from each platform and contact or else just be ready to face their revenge.
- Also do not ghost them, keep reappearing in their lives or get them any sign of your availability. Just do break up thoroughly for once and for all. This way it develops and states clearly that you wish to end things.
If you are still not sure how do you want to end things with a narcissist? Then it is simple! Write a closure letter and just vent out all your feelings in that. If you are still, confused about how to pen down your closure letter? Do not worry as we are making that task easier for you by providing the answers to the question, “What Should You Include in a Closure Letter to a Narcissist?” along with some useful tips to incorporate your true feelings, your heartburn, dissatisfaction, and your ultimate disappointments into a summary of words into a letter.
Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a severe mental health condition that affects nearly 6.2 percent of the population is affected by Narcissistic Personality Disorder as mentioned in an article published by the Psychology Today.
Narcissism is a personality disorder that affects probably a significant number of people. Narcissists rely on their narcissistic supply to function appropriately for their day-to-day tasks. Narcissists often display a range of troubling behaviors which are totally moral for them but can be troublesome for others.
These troubling behavioral gambits include a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and an inability to accept criticism. narcissists build a fake facade of confidence, power, and self-assurance on the surface, but beneath that fake surface lies the true self of that individual which is manipulative, seeks constant admiration, controls almost everything, feels insecure all the time, and is vulnerable to many life situations and circumstances.
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder display some of these traits that are mentioned,
General Behaviors and Patterns that are commonly associated with Narcissism
These traits and behavioral tactics may differ from one individual to another, but these are some of the generalized behavioral patterns that can be commonly associated with almost many narcissists in general,
Self-Centeredness – Narcissists often prioritize their interests, needs, and benefits above others.
Manipulativeness – Narcissists can be skilled at manipulating others to what they want.
Lack of Empathy – Narcissists may have difficulty understanding or caring about the feelings of others. They lack empathy.
Grandiosity – Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance and may exaggerate their accomplishments or talents. They have a grandiose sense of self worthiness.
Lack of Accountability – Narcissists may resist taking responsibility for their actions which may be an impediment to others, yet they would blame someone else for their mistakes and never take accountability for their actions.
Need for Admiration – Narcissists always yearn for constant praise, admiration, attention, and appreciation.
Have a high sense of entitlement – Narcissists believe that they are “special”, “unique” and they think that they deserve everything better because they are superior than others.
They make the most out of someone’s kindness – They have a tendency to exploit others easily without blinking.
Such individuals are rudeness and Boastful – Such individuals have arrogant and haughty behavior.
They live in their own fantasy world – They have a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or perfect/ideal partner and also expect from others to fulfill their needs. They are the kings/queens of their world.
Why should you write a closure letter to the narcissist? – Reasons for writing a closure letter
The first reason can be that it would help you to process your own emotions and thoughts. Narcissists tend to gaslight their partners which may result in you having difficulty in trusting your own decisions, perceptions and the happenings of the relationship journey with the narcissist. Writing a closure letter letter can help you to reflect on the relationship, arrange pick and segregate your thoughts and also help to align your feelings for the narcissist.
The second reason can be that it can help you to sort out and deal with any pain or hurt that you have had experienced during the relationship with the narcissist. Narcissists do leave their footprints on the trail of your life through emotional damage, trauma and causing pain and misery. But writing down about those abuses, manipulation and the pain in your letter might help you to release the pent up emotions that may be holding you back from moving on from the toxic relationship.
The third reason can be that it can be a plan of setting boundaries and taking the control of the situation in your hand. By setting boundaries you assure your healing form the narcissistic abuse and also make sure that the narcissist has no longer access to you both emotionally and physically and thus by setting boundaries they cannot take an advantage of your vulnerability.
Thus if you wish to take control in your hands regarding the relationship then do no let the narcissist thrive on empowering you. Empower yourself and be away from the manipulation.
Even if the narcissist does ignore or dismiss your letter, just writing it down can be a simple way of benefiting your own self and also asserting your liberty, self determination and control of your own life.
A few handy tips that may make your closure letter fulfilling
Keep the letter straight forward and to the point. Avoid getting too emotional or use any foul accusatory language if you do not seek revenge.
Share the impact of their behavior clearly but do not seek pity.
Clearly state the boundaries you intend to set and mark the outline so that they do not violate them.
Avoid blaming or shaming the narcissist if you truly seek peace of mind.
Keep the letter civil. Try to remain respectful and avoid degrading them. Keep in mind that your goal is closure and no revenge.
Do not expect any response in return. Remember hat narcissist are not capable of taking responsibility for their actions and they do hold grudges. So do not expect any response or apology from them.
What Should You Include in a Closure Letter to a Narcissist?
There is no one-size-fits all answer to this question, and the content of your letter will totally depend on your specific relationship with the narcissist. Below presented are some of the generalized points that you may want to include in your closure letter along with a few other points of your choice. You can start by,
1. Mentioning the intent of the letter
You can start the letter by revealing the intent of the letter. Clearly state your intention in the beginning of the letter so that the narcissist is well aware of the core reason behind the letter. Being direct and fluent with the terms you use in the letter is very important as narcissists are capable enough to interpret different meaning and thus your purpose of writing the letter may clearly not be successful.
Do not leave any room for ambiguity. Also try not be harsh with your words, instead you may frame sentences in a safe and smart way which may not present your intent as a rude command or any demanding piece of paper. You are not seeking revenge here here, you are just displeased with the way the narcissist treats you. So do not make it sound like a revenge note and try to be as direct as possible with the intent.
2. Mentioning the description of your feelings
Then you may want to start mentioning the description of your feelings through the next part of the letter. Mention everything that you have felt while you were committed to the relationship with the narcissist. Do not forget to highlight all the hurt, betrayal, and manipulation that you had to face. If you do not wish to ever see the narcissist again or talk with them then you may use statements like,
- When you were not able to confront the narcissist during the relationship but you want to do it now – “I am well aware of you are exactly, even though you never really wanted me to see what you really were. Your bare minimum actions were hurtful enough and till today, I allowed to pass everything beyond me and always I tried to be the bigger person in the relationship who is forgiving. But guess what it is no more working for me.”
- When you want to point out how empty their life is and is going to be further after you leave them – “I am hurt by the stab you gave me despite my silence. Now I know how hollow you are from the inside as you have no empathy, integrity and understanding. You can never live a fulfilled life with others as you are selfish and just think about your own self in all situations.
- When you want the narcissist to know that it is their loss and you have won ultimately – “I learned the true definition of hurt when I was dealing with you. But I am finally free and healing form the traumatic experience. This does not embark your victory, but indeed it is my victory.”
- When you do not wish any harm but indeed feel empathetic for them – “I feel sorry for you and wish sincere healing for you. It may be tough being you as seeking constant validation from others is difficult. Try to be a little less intimidating and more of a free spirited person who feels empathy for others.”
3. Mentioning some examples of their Narcissistic Behavior
Include some specific examples of the narcissist’s behavior that you found harming and hurting your mental health. Mention all the examples that has lead you to this decision where you decided to leave them. These examples can help to reinforce your decision to end the relationship and can provide the narcissist a proper justifications for your actions.
You can also mention the narcissist about how toxic their behavior so and they should be seeking help to lead a better life with whom ever they commit. If you still have any lingering feelings for the narcissist and you do intend to continue the relationship if they decide to change, then mention all changes that you would expect from them.
Apart from that you may also display your resentment and anger towards the narcissist.
While concluding the letter – You may end the letter with a final statement that clearly summarizes the agenda of the closure letter. Clearly put your thoughts and feelings and be clear about what you intend from this letter and thus seek closure for yourself too.
Inference
It is essential to remember that closure is often an internal process which you might seek after giving it sometime, or after healing from the trauma. It is not always necessary to engage or communicate with a narcissist to achieve it.
Even if the narcissist does ignore or dismiss your letter, just writing it down can be a simple way of benefiting your own self and also asserting your liberty, self determination and control of your own life.
There is no one-size-fits all answer to this question, and the content of your letter will totally depend on your specific relationship with the narcissist. Also remember that you are no really writing the letter just for the narcissist, but for yourself first, as writing down about those abuses, manipulation and the pain in your letter might help you to release the pent up emotions that may be holding you back from moving on from the toxic relationship. It is for your benefit to seek closure, and heal from the traumatic life experience to move on.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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