What Happens When A Narcissist’s Double Life Is Exposed? (Exact Reactions)

by Ella Carrillo · February 22, 2023

What happens when a Narcissist’s Double Life is Exposed? What happens when a Narcissist is Exposed? How would narcissists behave when they know that you know about their real personalities? It is just like an indirect confrontation but can be ruinous as a narcissist is totally unpredictable and you never know what would they do when they know they have been exposed.

Narcissists are so demanding, and it is very stressful to be around them. When you are new to the world of dating a narcissist or being committed to them, you are merely adjusting or struggling to find yourself comfortable around them. As in the initial stages, you do not know why a person behaves so or if such behavior is normal. It becomes strenuous to continue the relationship in such a manner, as narcissists are so difficult to handle.

When you know the ugly truth about the narcissist and their narcissistic personality disorder, the first step you want to do is confront them, break the relationship with them, stop falling victim to their mind games, tell others about their nasty reality, and make them repent for their irreversible deeds. But would exposing the true form of a narcissist would change anything? Would it be of any benefit to you if you know the truth about them and tried to make your way to make them accept their bad deeds?

What is the double life of a Narcissist?

The double life of a Narcissist is where they hide their personality or some part of their life altogether. This may even involve cheating or lying. They hide their real toxic personalities by gaslighting. Most narcissists are aware of the gaslighting technique and they gaslight their victims/partners deliberately.

Narcissists would often present their image as desired by you, they would mention all those traits that are liked by you, and they would make their image so spotless and desirable that you would be deceived by their charming fake personalities. They would often lie to you about their real selves. They would always wear a fake mirrored mask to keep you interested in them.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a pattern of abuse or manipulation used by manipulators, abusers, cult leaders, narcissists, or people who wish to always have control over situations and their victims. Gaslighters can change the reality of the situation and they are capable to prove themselves innocent when you blame them for their wrongdoing. Thus gaslighting is a technique that can allow an abuser to create such an atmosphere where the victims question their own reality and it forces the victims to doubt their own sanity.

For instance, they would just twist the reality of the situation. Narcissists would be abusive and irrational but would never accept it rather than keep denying such facts. When you point at their mistakes they would tell you things like, “Stop acting all paranoid”, “Don’t overreact to little things”, or “You sound crazy”. When in reality you would not be wrong but instead they would prove that the problem is with you and not them.

Narcissists often choose to lie over spilling the truth, and thus it is a common belief that narcissists cheat and are categorized as deceitful. To cheat or not to cheat completely depends upon the character development, life conduct, and choices of an individual, but sometimes some misconceptions and false beliefs may force us to conduct something which is not a part of our regular lifestyle like cheating. And thus there may be a few cases where narcissists are found to be cheating upon their partners, leaving them for someone else, or playing the game of dating and manipulating the feelings of more than one person at the same time.

Why do narcissists cheat?

Narcissists have a huge ego to satisfy. Narcissists have zero control over themselves. They get easily distracted wherever they get a little attention as they are big attention seekers. Narcissists have no term for guilt or remorse in their dictionary. All they do is make you feel guilty for something that they have done. But they would never be guilty or ashamed of what they have done due to their high ego and zero self-control.

They cheat on you when the narcissist feels that the charm and chase are over, the excitement and lust are gone, the purpose (whatever they have been using you for like money, physical intimacy, just to cop with their former breakup or a fresh supply) is over, and they finally can no longer use you for their gains; these can be some of the most common reasons why narcissist would cheat on you.

What Happens When A Narcissist’s Double Life Is Exposed? (Exact Reactions)

They would try to distort the reality of the situation
They would try to manipulate you by smooth-talking to distort your attention from their truth
They manipulate you with projections
They would try to recommence the relationship
You would face their rage
They can apply malignant methods to deal with you after being exposed
They would hoover around with some hope

1. They would try to distort the reality of the situation

Narcissists would be so perplexed about the whole situation that they would jump onto immediate solutions which include distorting and denying the whole truth and reality of the situation. They would try to reverse the situation and play the victim.

They would go into denial mode and would not accept the truth. They would create many false facades of lies just to hide that one truth. Hiding the reality of the situation becomes their top priority at that moment. They might also play the victim here, and accuse you of false accusations. They might gaslight you and make you doubt your sanity.

2. They would try to manipulate you by smooth-talking to distort your attention from their truth

Narcissists are smooth talkers and they can easily manipulate you with their nicely woven words and promises. A narcissist would be extremely charming and would only mirror the words that you might want to hear at the moment and would justify your accusation against them. This might create confusion for you as you would feel, you are extremely loved at the moment and might want to consider your accusation. But do not get flattered by their sweet words because they would just be temporary.

Narcissists would use flattery and mirroring techniques for deceiving you, hide their true personality and intentions behind the mirrored image, distort your attention from reality, and continue obtaining their supply. Narcissists may even succeed for once in their little trick of distorting reality but keep in mind that a narcissist tends to make lies once they gain your trust.

3. They manipulate you with projections

Projection means a justification of one’s action by accusing or pointing fingers at others. It is a reaction or a repulse action that is an outcome of one’s guilt, wrongdoing, or something that one is not proud of in particular or is not ready to accept or reflect on self. This makes it easy to deal with a difficult situation, without much remorse.

Narcissistic projections are like their hidden superpower according to them. They use it out of nowhere and leave you perplexed. They use these projections as a defense mechanism when they feel they would be exposed or their grandiose image is being questioned or tarnished.

When something you said triggers a narcissist or points out their wrongdoing; they cannot take this in any circumstances. Remember that they do not take criticism well. They would be all hyped up and agitated to provide a counter-argument that satisfies their ego and proves that they are right and have been wrongly pointed at. So until they transfer all blame on you they would not stop their narcissistic projections. You can be the victim of narcissistic projections on multiple instances wherever you try to prove a narcissist wrong or challenge their toxic personality.

4. They would try to recommence the relationship

They would tell you to reconsider everything and try to make you sentimental. They would not ask for forgiveness but also not allow you to move out of the relationship. They would ask you to forget everything about their narcissistic personality disorder, or just slide it aside, and recommence the relationship on new grounds. They might even make it as a joke about them having some problem and also sarcastically make a point that the problem might be with you. They might also ask you to leave the past behind and ask you to forget about the toxic treatment and try the relationship on a fresh basis with them as they would not want to lose their source of supply.

5. You would face their rage

The first and foremost reaction of a narcissist to any inconvenience caused by others is anger, rage, or wrath. If you have been with a narcissist you might be aware of their anger issues. They feel more agitated than usual when you ask them to reflect upon the exposure. They would be harsh with their words. They would try to hurt you emotionally.

They might even try to project the confrontation toward you. They may also state that the problem might be with you and not them. They may state that they are perfectly fine with perfect mental health. They might even call you names or use abusive vocabulary when you expose their truth, but do not get disheartened or terrified by their rage, as it is their go-to tactic to outburst their rage on you.

6. They can apply malignant methods to deal with you after being exposed

Narcissists can be more abusive, controlling, torturing, and difficult to live with after you expose them. Due to a lack of empathy, self-centeredness, switching of emotions, mood swings, rage, and many other negative traits, it quite seems like not possible to expect anything good from a narcissist often. Thus narcissists are usually termed Evil and Cruel. Sometimes narcissists can become shady people under the influence of narcissism and might resort to sadist and cruel techniques to make you miserable once you have exposed them.

7. They would hoover around with some hope

Narcissists try to hoover around their exes or partners who want to leave them to victimize them again, as they cannot let go easily. It can be really difficult to break up with a narcissist as they can blackmail you, take revenge, or hoover around for a long period of time once they have been exposed. They do this because they do not want to lose control over their source of supply.

And also it is always difficult to date a narcissist due to their anger issues and unhealthy behavior so they have to be dependent on a lot of people to get their supply. This is also one of the reasons why narcissists hoover. Hoovering is always intended for regaining their partner’s trust and relationship. It is the vulnerabilities that the narcissist takes an advantage of.

Is it a good idea to confront a narcissist?

If you want to end things with a narcissist you may choose to confront their toxic behavior or any other trait that annoyed you. If you genuinely care for a narcissist then you may choose to confront them. You may also leave confronting whatever is bothering you. But if you plan to continue the relationship confrontation may not be a good idea. There are a few options you can choose after confronting a narcissist.

Confronting with a polite or understanding tone might be of some help. Twisting words to be more polite than genuine or reading the mood of the room may also help you.

When making a confrontation with a Narcissist, the most important or key aspects are the correct timing, the correct situation, and the correct pair of words. The correct Timing means when they are satisfied with you or your relationship seems to be in a good phase. The correct situation means you should not confront while a narcissist is going through a bad time like a demotion from a company position, or deporting from a job, or going through a not-so-good phase of life.

What Happens When A Narcissist’s Double Life Is Exposed?
Narcissists would be so perplexed about the whole situation that they would jump onto immediate solutions which include distorting and denying the whole truth and reality of the situation. They would try to reverse the situation and play the victim.

Choosing timings and situations like festivities, confronting while announcing a piece of good news, or special occasions might not ruin the relationship as expected. Who does not like festivities? And whenever someone’s in a good mood, one can bear or take the not-so-likable topics a little leniently or lightly, especially confrontations.

Though you should always keep in mind that confronting a narcissist can always put you in a tough position. “Confronting a narcissist would be like fighting a battle of wills.” But being strong and standing up for yourself holds greater importance than simply dealing with a narcissist after a confrontation.

So do not fear them, put your points forward and prepare yourself for some unforeseen consequences. If you might be ready to confront a narcissist, that means you have spent some amount of time with them and have known them and their traits for a while now. So you might know up to some extent how would they react when you confront them.

Tips to Expose a Narcissist

The best way to get back at a narcissist is by threatening them with the fear of deserting them or leaving them. You can threaten them with false statements to abandon them. Threaten them by creating a scenario of when they would be alone without you if they deny showing some change or at least try to better. Show them the future where you are not with them.
A narcissist understands their own language in a better manner, meaning use their own words against them, or if they are providing a silent treatment you also do the same.
If they yell at you, do the same. If they project their wrath, do the same. Reciprocate their behavior to prove your seriousness about the situation and prove that you are strong-headed this time and would not back down without receiving at least some affirmative changes.
They might even try to lure you by showering excessive love. But do not be weak and give in here. Strongly put forward your deal of confrontation and demand for affirmative changes firmly.
Prepare what you have to say when you want to expose them which is supposed to be wise and precise as they might use your words against you.

When making a plan to expose a Narcissist, the most important or key aspects are the correct timing, the correct situation, and the correct pair of words. The correct timing means when they are satisfied with you or your relationship seems to be in a good phase. The correct situation means you should not confront while a narcissist is going through a bad time like a demotion from a company position, or deporting from a job, or going through a not-so-good phase of life.
You might not want to give them a chance to manipulate the wrongdoings or trick you into their flattery, so do not melt into their sweet words and just remember the sufferings.
Do not expect a maturely handled situation when you expose a narcissist, so be firm with your boundaries and beliefs about them.
Be ready for unforeseen situations. Confrontations and exposure may arouse their wrath and they might make a scene. They would be loud and volatile about being confronted.
Do not be lured by a narcissist once again. Just recollect all the bitter memories with them before reconsidering falling victim once more. Just keep moving forward if you wish to but with more carefulness.

Though you should always keep in mind that exposing a narcissist can always put you in a tough position. Twisting words to be more polite than genuine or reading the mood of the room may also help you while you expose them. But also remember this while exposing a narcissist, that it is always risky and a not-so-good idea unless you may decide to leave them for good riddance.

Inference

A narcissist is an incorrigible person who is not able to acknowledge their own mistakes and considers themselves spotless and perfect. They try to be perfectionists and idealists and claim veneration. Thus it becomes strenuous to continue the relationship in such a manner, as narcissists are so difficult to handle.

If you have to deal with a narcissist in your life without much choice, you might be knowing how difficult it is. You might not be aware of them being narcissists initially, but you or the family might suffer continuously because of them. So if you have a narcissist in your life, choose wisely before taking any steps further in the relationship, and do notice all the red flags because they are there all along the way.

So you start digging in the dirt and start to find solutions, find reasons for their uncommon behavior, the reasons for their toxic personality and traits, and much more. It is only in the later stages of being with them you realize that they have created a false facade for their personality which is keeping their real toxic personality intact. Thus you wish to expose them as soon as possible. But now you do know the consequences, aftermath, and reasons to expose them. So make your decision wisely!

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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

What Happens When A Narcissist’s Double Life Is Exposed? (Exact Reactions)