What Does A Narcissist Do When Caught Cheating And Lying?

by Ella Carrillo · February 8, 2023

What Does A Narcissist Do When Caught Cheating And Lying? If you have come across narcissists in your life, you would know how difficult it is to deal with them. It is very dominant to understand them by understanding Narcissistic Behavior in depth. his makes it a little doable to be with them and deal with them. For understanding Narcissistic behavior like why they Lie, Cheat, feel and demonstrate Jealousy, want Control, and much more, it is crucial to know the reasons behind why they do what they do!

What is it like dating a Narcissist?

If you have a narcissistic dating partner or a narcissistic life partner, then you might have struggled many times to cope with their unrealistic and too much high and too many numerous expectations, suddenly changed behaviors, big mood swings, and much more.

Dating a narcissist is complicated. Initial dating stages are like walking on rose petals and later stages or the phases before the discard phase are like walking on eggshells. During the initial dating stage, they would shower you with excessive love, compliment you, make your favorite dish, want to be around you all the time, note the most minor things, and make you extremely special.

Dating a narcissist is itself challenging. You have to keep up with their unrealistic expectations, their tantrums, emotional unavailability, and peculiar traits. A Narcissist can make you feel like you are on cloud nine for one moment and the next moment is like they don’t even know you. So dating a narcissist is almost unpredictable.

What are the dating phases while dating a narcissist?

There are three basic dating phases while dating a narcissist, let us know the phases of dating a narcissist as presented by mental health experts, psychologists, and knowledgeable therapists;

1. Attraction or Idealization Phase

The first and most menacing phase of dating a Narcissist is this phase. Attraction or Idealization is the step where they spot you and grab your attraction, like spotting a target for obtaining their supply. This step feels like you are on cloud 9. They would make you feel so special and out of the world, that you would think, you have found the love of your life.

During the Attraction or Idealization dating stage, they would shower you with excessive love, text you regularly, compliment you, make your favorite dish, want to be around you all the time, note the most minor things, and make you extremely special. They will play all sorts of love tactics to manipulate you and your thoughts just to make you fall in love with them.

There are some possible ways a narcissist would show their love or love-bombing you with their tactics,

They might take you to your favorite restaurant and say all kinds of cheesy things so that they can win you or lure you into a relationship. But remember this is just temporary, this would all fade away once they know you are into them and no longer you can be of much use to them.
They might also do things like buying expensive presents, going shopping with you, might choose a PDA(Public Display of Affection), and many more such means to lure you.

2. Devaluation Phase

The Devaluation phase begins as soon as a narcissist is able to completely lure you in. Once they gain your complete trust, this is when they start playing with your feelings and thoughts by using their manipulative tactics. They start showing their true face, gradually. To make their grip even firm on you and establish complete control over you they would try to isolate you from your friend group, relatives, and anyone you can rely on emotionally.

They would only want you to depend upon only them and nobody else. This is the phase when they would suck the positivity out of you and drain you. They would make you feel emotionally exhausted by insulting you when you do not agree with them, abusing you when you avoid them, making you feel guilty for not appreciating them, demanding money or love from you, keeping high expectations, fulfilling all their desires with you on their side, they would be mean to you, be sarcastic and crack jokes on you, humiliate you and even threaten you about breaking up.

This is the phase when you really realize what trap you are into! They would easily commence fights with you with the slightest inconvenience, or if you don’t give enough attention to them they would not let go of any chance of humiliating you, they would isolate you mentally and physically from others so that your attention can be completely on them and you can be their supply only.

The devaluation Phase is a grey phase, where you cannot bear them but cannot even let them go due to their manipulative tactics like love bombing along with insulting you or creating self-doubt in your mind, you would not be able to see the red flags as you would be in love them by the devaluation phase. Your self-doubt would be the highest and your self-confidence would have hit rock bottom by this phase. Thus devaluation phase is all about isolating you from others and using you for their benefit only.

3. Discard Phase or Rejection Phase

The Discard phase begins when the narcissist feels that the charm and chase are over, the excitement and lust are gone, and the purpose (whatever they have been using you for like money, physical intimacy, just to cop with their former breakup or a fresh supply) is over, and they finally can no longer use you for their gains.

This is the last and final stage where a narcissist would completely use you and when you are no longer available for them or become emotionally unavailable to them, emotionally drained, have no longer supply left, and start ignoring them; this is when they reject you and end the relationship abruptly.

The Discard phase is nothing but the time when a narcissist uses you completely until their satisfaction like their puppet, and when they no longer need you or find someone else they just discard you like something unimportant. They just end things abruptly without any firm reasons. They might even be cheating on their partners during this phase and thus they discard them and move on to other relationships.

Why do narcissists cheat?

Narcissists have a huge ego to satisfy. Narcissists have zero control over themselves. They get easily distracted wherever they get a little attention as they are big attention seekers. Narcissists have no term for guilt or remorse in their dictionary. All they do is make you feel guilty for something that they have done. But they would never be guilty or ashamed of what they have done due to their high ego and zero self-control.

They cheat on you when the narcissist feels that the charm and chase are over, the excitement and lust are gone, the purpose (whatever they have been using you for like money, physical intimacy, just to cop with their former breakup or a fresh supply) is over, and they finally can no longer use you for their gains; these can be some of the most common reasons why narcissist would cheat on you.

Narcissists will cheat on you & accuse you of being unfaithful. They’ll lash out & blame you for making them angry. They’ll hide their phone & openly flirt, then call you jealous & irrational. They’ll abandon you & leave you holding the bag, then tell everyone that they fled your abuse.
-Unknown

This is correctly quoted by an anonymous source about a narcissist leaving you after cheating, and not feeling guilty at all.

There are various Narcissist cheating signs you should not deny at any cost. But how can you know if a narcissist is cheating on you? Narcissism is often relevant to partners cheating on each other as the narcissist lacks feelings like care, sympathy, and understanding, and the partner they are dating soon realizes that the relationship they are having is toxic. So either they continue this relationship due to forced and false endeavors made by the narcissist and have an external affair where they understand what a healthy relationship looks like or they just give up on dating!

Whereas on the other hand, Narcissist is always in search of new supply, so they often keep trying to establish several relationships along with their current one. Narcissists are self-centered and pathetic when it comes to understanding feelings, so they often change partners when they feel the current partner cannot give them what they want.

Do all Narcissists cheat?

The answer to this question is dubious, but no not all narcissists do cheat usually. But cheating is a trait certainly strongly attached and associated with narcissistic personalities. But narcissists do put a false identity or lie unbelievably so that no one can think they can be dishonest. They can perfectly portray an innocent character by lying straight to your face and that too with expertise.

Now, let us know Narcissist Cheating Signs You Should Not Deny, as a form of warning if you feel you are being cheated upon,

Narcissist Cheating and Lying Signs you should not Deny

Avoids meeting you with excuses
Cancels plans at the last minute
Sudden behavioral changes
Excessively showering you with love and other expensive gifts and surprising you
Disappearing suddenly for days and changing the topic when you ask about their disappearance
A sudden drop in communication
Lies Lies and only Lies
Do not allow you to go anywhere around their phones, tablets, or any belongings
Always on their phone
Showing no interest in physical intimacy with you
If by chance you get a hint about them cheating, blaming you for everything
Being attention seekers as they are
It is their natural instinct to lie
For deceiving or gaslighting you
For satisfying their egoistic self
Lack of empathy
Sense of Entitlement
Lack of Trust
Out of habit

What Does A Narcissist Do When Caught Cheating And Lying?

Narcissistic Rage
Narcissistic Hoovering
Narcissistic Projection
Gaslighting and Ghosting
Discarding
Stonewalling
Self-Victimization
Flying Monkeys

1. Narcissistic Rage

What can be the most common reaction that you would expect from a narcissist to any inconvenience? Yes! you have guessed it absolutely right. It is anger, hostility, and rage. You might be very well aware of the narcissistic rage if you have been with a narcissist. You must or at least try to stay away from the narcissistic rage if you want peace. But when you catch a narcissist cheating, a narcissist would be bursting with anger. They would be so pissed at you transferring the blame at you that you are unlovable rather than confronting their mistake.

They would not bother to check what has gone wrong, or even think about your viewpoint. They would just be pissed when they are not able to justify their mistake and would just be worried about obtaining their supply. Their concern would not be related to you but only about supply.

When something triggers a narcissist, in this case, your confrontation about them cheating and lying, their first reaction is aggression and hostility. Confronting them may trigger a narcissist’s ill-intended side and thus they may act viciously or harshly. They would be all hyped up and agitated.

2. Narcissistic Hoovering

Narcissists try to hoover around their exes or anyone ghosting them and victimize them again, as they cannot let go easily. It can be really difficult to break up or ghost a narcissist as they can blackmail you, take revenge, or hoover around for a long period of time. They do this because they do not want to lose control over their source of supply. And also it is always difficult to date a narcissist due to their anger issues and unhealthy behavior so they have to be dependent on a lot of people to get their supply.

Hoovering is always intended for the emotional ex-partner that a narcissist tries to regain. It is the vulnerabilities that the narcissist takes an advantage of. They would try to remind you of them by their glimpses and presence.

3. Narcissistic Projection

Usually, projections are an outcome of self-guilt and deprived self-reflection. A narcissistic person lacks both. Narcissists never feel guilt or do not have any concepts of self-reflection. Narcissists do not want their grandiose image to be tarnished by their wrongdoings. So they be blaming or point fingers at others. This is the reason narcissistic projections are more common, frequent, and intense.

Narcissistic projections are like their hidden superpower according to them. They use it out of nowhere and leave you perplexed. They use these projections as a defense mechanism when they feel they would be exposed or their grandiose image is being questioned or tarnished.

For instance, They would freak even when you mention something about cheating on partners or would blame you by asking such questions, “Are you also thinking or doing something similar?” or something like “Do you also plan to cheat on me?”. Whereas in reality, they would be thinking about cheating on you or would already be having multiple partners, but just would not be admitting or would also not want to relieve of this toxic relationship, as they would not want to lose their control.

4. Gaslighting and Ghosting

Ghosting someone means abruptly ending a relationship without leaving any loose threads. Breaking up and ending any relationship with someone out of now where without providing a proper closure or mentioning reasons and cutting all means of communication with them is commonly termed as ghosting which a narcissist usually opts for after cheating.

The ghosting term is usually associated with dating habits but it is not limited to that. Putting “Ghosting” into simple terms is cutting all means of communication with someone without informing or providing clarifications for the same. The term gains its name from the reference to ghosts. As Ghosts disappear into thin air whenever and wherever they wish, the same way ghosting is referred to as disappearing without informing and cutting all means to reach you which is the ultimate trick used by narcissists when they are caught cheating and lying in relationships.

5. Discarding

The Discard phase or the discarding begins when the narcissist feels that the charm and chase are over, the excitement and lust are gone, and the purpose (whatever they have been using you for like money, physical intimacy, just to cop with their former breakup or a fresh supply) is over, and they finally can no longer use you for their gains.

6. Stonewalling

Stonewalling is basically building an invisible hypothetical wall and not allowing anyone to penetrate through by avoiding meetups, calls, or anything that makes a conversation or any form of communication.

They would avoid talking to you, just answer whatever you ask, and would never initiate communication. They would never text your first, it is always you who is checking on them. They would not pick up your calls, avoid meeting you, and always put you on seen for messages. They would put you on read, will not call back, or simply just go MIA(Missing in Action). It is just another form of gaslighting, ghosting, or avoiding.

7. Self-Victimization

Instead of making it clear that they want to break up, they would make you feel like something is wrong with you, you have changed and become unlovable. This is a clear red flag and thus you should be ready to hear about the end of your relationship soon.

If by chance you get a hint of them cheating on you, they would act all innocent and behave like they are the victim here. A narcissist cannot accept their mistake because according to them, they are never wrong. This is when they make you feel you have done something wrong, but in reality, they are fed up with you and just want to discard you from their life, as they have found a new interest.

This is how they would victimize themselves, rather than committing to their fault here.

8. Flying Monkeys

“Flying Monkeys” is a term used by mental health experts with reference to the characters of the Wizard of Oz, who followed the wicked, scary, and bad witch.

What does the term flying monkeys mean in the context of mental health issues?

“Flying Monkeys” is a term used for describing people who bid for narcissists, side with them, or do their dirty work to charge punishments on their targets. Flying Monkeys are the supporters, minions, and helpers who help their cruel agendas of threatening you, showing you what you are missing, forcing you to get back with them, or even being a reason that a narcissist might be upset with you when you share a concern regarding them with one of their flying monkeys.

A narcissist would assist one of their flying monkeys to lie, gossip, and spread rumors so that nobody questions their image and it may seem as if you are the one cheating and lying to them.

Conclusion

Notice all the red flags, when they are so clear to you. Do not get brainwashed or do not get caught up in the fog of a narcissist’s atmosphere of lies and excuses.

If you notice any above-mentioned signs in your partner, take it as a hint or sign of cheating, or discuss it clearly with your narcissistic partner about your suspicion. Free yourself from such a toxic relationship as soon as possible.

Author
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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

What Does A Narcissist Do When Caught Cheating And Lying?

What is it like dating a Narcissist?