How Long will a Narcissist Ignore you? (& Why Do They Ignore?)

by Ella Carrillo · January 18, 2023

How long will a Narcissist Ignore you? Why would a narcissist ignore you? Narcissists know their ways to get back to you, especially if you have displeased them in any way or hurt their pride. There can be many more reasons for a narcissist to get back at you. One such way of them getting back at you is through ignorance or completely devaluing your presence.

If you have been with a narcissist then you might be familiar with the silent treatment, the no-answers zone, or the ignoring phase when there are any issues or inconveniences and misunderstandings in the relationship. Being with a narcissist is as is tough and it needs a lot of perseverance to keep the relationship going with them.

Narcissists are not your regular dating partners, they are much more than that. They come with many questionable demands, and also their unforgettable charm. But little do you know, all they want is this as they are attention hungry. In reality, they just want attention, desire, and chase without any feelings. There is hardly any love or any such real feelings involved when you want to lure a narcissist. It is with time that you realize their toxicity and realize how you have been lured into the relationship.

What would trigger a narcissist and how would that make them give you the silent treatment?

A narcissist is someone who needs attention, praise, boost, and appreciation all the time. They want to be the center of attraction or the elephant in the room. They just want you to listen to them without putting in your opinion, views, or any criticism most of the time. They just want to dominate the relationship and so when that does not happen, a narcissist feels underappreciated, undervalued, and also unnoticed. This would surely make them furious beyond the range of words. They would treat you like you have done some sin arguing or counter-questioning them.

And thus when something upsets them beyond the reach of words or fury, they would not use their usual technique of lashing out their narcissistic rage but instead just ignore you and let you just be figuring out what went wrong until you go crazy thinking the possible reasons. They would ignore you to the extent that you just cannot leave the matter either nor they would tell you what is wrong. It is like one of their manipulation tactics for you to make efforts for them, convincing and begging them to give you their attention. They would treat you like you no longer matter to them and you just keep attempting vague attempts to know what is wrong.

Narcissists have quite a long list of things that might upset them,

Throwing facts or factual data straight at their face
Dismissing what they have to say
Making them wait
Setting firm boundaries
Staying put and not reacting
Hurting their Pride and Ego
Talking to other people and making new friends
Denying or saying no
Make them lose their control
Gaslighting them
Make small talk or disregard them
Intimidate them with threats like a breakup, cutting off relations, or even leaving them indeed
Keep yourself busy in self-care
Criticizing them
Including competitiveness in your conduct
Glorify their failures
Dismissing their opinions
Piss them off
Acknowledge yourself how their behavior is wrong and you are victimized
Ignoring their toxic behavior
Praising someone else in their presence
Devaluing them

Pissing off a narcissist is inevitable as they can get annoyed by the littlest things which you would not even imagine. Narcissists always think that they have the power to control you, but when they lose that control they have a nasty attitude and ignore you. They think you would never counter their actions and so they always expect you to be under their control. But when you act the opposite and make them lose their control, they can either get pissed, get angry, or just gives you the silent treatment when the situation really gets out of their control.

How Long will a Narcissist Ignore you?

There is no such perfect time period that is justified for the question, How Long will a Narcissist Ignore you? Narcissists provide silent treatment or ignore you unless and until you give them attention and try to win them over. Once you stop giving a crap about their crappy behavior they would eventually cease the silent treatment and come back as if nothing has happened.

When they feel satisfied punishing you, or see you suffering enough, or when they feel you are miserable enough for doing them wrong they would end the silent treatment. If the relationship is new or you have just started dating then the ignoring periods would be short, but as it exceeds the initial stage the silent treatment periods keep on extending and getting longer.

These silent treatment periods can be 2-3 days, a week or two weeks, or even as long as a month. There is no specific answer that can be quantifiable to this question. Unless a narcissist is satisfied that you would not leave them they would continue giving the silent treatment, but when they realize that you might leave them, they stop with the ignorance and start to win you over by manipulating you.

Why do Narcissists ignore you? – Things that upset a narcissist that may enforce the silent treatment

When they are done with you
When they have found a new source of supply
When they perceive you as someone who is not up to their mark
When you share a concern with one of their flying monkeys
When you have done something to upset them and they wish to punish you
When they wish to devalue your worth
To feel wanted and boost their ego
When you have exposed them or figured them out
When you set a boundary

1. When they are done with you

Narcissists would put you on read, will not call back, or simply just go MIA(Missing in Action). After leaving you or ignoring you for weeks, they would expect nothing to change and simply begin to act as if nothing has changed between you. They would leave you and you might be questioning yourself about what went wrong. But! Remember it is not your fault, it is just that they are bored with you and leave you without any notice.

Sudden behavioral changes like ignoring you, not giving any importance to you or what you say, being completely lost in their world, staying disloyal, cheating on you, flirting openly, seeking interest in other people, discussing others, and much more. If you notice any such sudden changes, then a narcissist is soon planning to end things with you and so they start ignoring you so that you get used to their ignorance and you only offer to end things with them. They do not want to be the villain here, even though it is them who are done with you. So they ignore you and you start feeling unwanted soon to leave them.

2. When they have found a new source of supply

When they have found a new source of supply, they might even haul you while they are dating others. You might not even get the slightest hint about their slyness until they sweep the last bits of supply that they can get from you. They would not leave you easily.

Being with a narcissist or dating a narcissist is very puzzling as you cannot figure out what stage you are at because they might be thinking to dump you as they have found a new source of supply and at the same time you might be head over heels for them. So make sure you are on the same page when a narcissist starts ignoring you.

You cannot put all pieces of a puzzle together while dating a narcissist as their behavior is different every time you try to approach them. When they are in a good mood and happy after obtaining a supply from you they would be appreciating your presence in their life, but as soon as you try to prove them wrong or put your thought forward, they would be arrogant and you would not hear from them for days.

3. When they perceive you as someone who is not up to their mark

A narcissist would be smeared by you in the initial stages when they might have met you and might have approached you. You might have intrigued them initially, but once they suck complete supply out of you, or when you lose that initial charm or you keep bothering the constantly, or when you want to take the relationship to the next level, or when you demand so much from them.

Narcissists just wish that you become their puppets and just do as they say, so when you do something out of the box, they get upset and start ignoring you to teach you a lesson. So when they think you have outrun supply, have lost that charm or lust, or no longer fit into their standards, they perceive you as someone who is not up to their mark and start ignoring you.

“Flying Monkeys” is a term used by mental health experts with reference to the characters of the Wizard of Oz, who followed the wicked, scary, and bad witch.

What does the term flying monkeys mean in the context of mental health issues?

“Flying Monkeys” is a term used for describing people who bid for narcissists, side with them, or do their dirty work to charge punishments on their targets. Flying Monkeys are the supporters, minions, and helpers who help their cruel agendas of threatening you, showing you what you are missing, forcing you to get back with them, or even being a reason that a narcissist might be upset with you when you share a concern regarding them with one of their flying monkeys.

When you share a concern with one of their flying monkeys, narcissists would just give you the silent treatment as they feel you do not trust them or feel free to share something with them, but feel comfortable in sharing that concern with someone else. They might even view this as a threat as narcissists feel they are perfect and do not have any fault that can be bothersome.

5. When you have done something to upset them and they wish to punish you

Narcissist constantly tries to prove their worth to grab attention. They just need to be perfect at everything and anything they put their mind to. So this leads them to their super competitiveness mode, where they can go to any extent to achieve what they wish. They can be mean, jealous and even malice when it comes to achieving what they want, and when you become a hindrance for them to achieve something, or when you point out their wrongdoing or hurt their pride and ego, they get furious and instead of just lashing out, they use the different method of ignoring you or give you the silent treatment.

Narcissist desires your undivided attention all the time. So when your attention is split between them and someone else or something else they get so jealous of that and even start making you feel unwanted, small, and devalued in their life and thus give you the silent treatment by ignoring you big time.

6. When they wish to devalue your worth

When you act according to your wishes, do not value a narcissist’s opinions, and do not give them required importance in your lie, that is when they devalue your worth by completely ignoring what you have to say or whatever you do.

When a narcissist discusses something with you with some expectation of hoping for a solution or at least lending an ear, but instead you make small talk and just skip the topic. This would indicate that you no longer care for them, and this fact can create despair. They would feel ignored and reciprocate the same to you by ignoring you.

Narcissists have a very fragile ego with almost very little self-respect and self-esteem. They are dependent on various people for their happiness. They seek supply in the form of a partner. Supply is everything that makes them important like control, praise, worth, ego boost, and everything that makes them feel superior. Like everybody else, narcissists would also feel your absence when you stop chasing them and there are various reactions you can expect from a narcissist. One minute they can be love-bombing you and the next minute they might just devalue you by ignoring you.

7. To feel wanted and boost their ego

When a narcissist requires attention and feels a need to be wanted more, they start to ignore you without any reason. They would ignore you without any reason just to seek more attention. Narcissists would seek support from anxious people or people with attachment issues. They would take an advantage of such people and gain empathy from them.

People who fear being alone include narcissists too. So when they find someone similar they take advantage, make them beg to stay and do everything in their power to boost their ego.

8. When you have exposed them or figured them out

Narcissists would be so perplexed about the whole situation that they would jump onto immediate solutions which include distorting and denying the whole truth and reality of the situation. They would try to reverse the situation and play the victim.

They would go into denial mode and would not accept the truth. They would create many false facades of lies just to hide that one truth. Hiding the reality of the situation becomes their top priority at that moment. They might also play the victim here, and accuse you of false accusations.

They might gaslight you, ignore you and make you doubt your sanity. Narcissistic projections are like their hidden superpower according to them. They use it out of nowhere and leave you perplexed. They would use these projections to ignore you as a defense mechanism when they feel they would be exposed or their grandiose image is being questioned or tarnished.

9. When you set a boundary

Setting firm boundaries might initially upset the narcissist, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth. Being less accessible to them would make them give you the silent treatment as they would be super pissed.

Do not try to get close to them more than required, do not blindly allow them to take an advantage of you just for the love, do not let them dominate all situations, do not tolerate their nasty behavior all the time, and maintain your peace by keeping a safe distance from them. This would make them feel less valuable and they would make you the same by ignoring you.

Inference

When something upsets them beyond the reach of words or fury, they would not use their usual technique of lashing out their narcissistic rage but instead just ignore you and let you just be figuring out what went wrong until you go crazy thinking about the possible reasons.

They would ignore you to the extent that you just cannot leave the matter either nor they would tell you what is wrong. It is like one of their manipulation tactics for you to make efforts for them, convincing and begging them to give you their attention. They would treat you like you no longer matter to them and you just keep attempting vague attempts to know what is wrong.

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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

How Long will a Narcissist Ignore you? (& Why Do They Ignore?)

What would trigger a narcissist and how would that make them give you the silent treatment?

How Long will a Narcissist Ignore you?