What Happens When You Catch A Narcissist Cheating? (Exact Reactions)

by Ella Carrillo · May 2, 2023

What Happens When You Catch A Narcissist Cheating? When it comes to romantic relationships, one of the most devastating and heartbreaking moments is when you have to face betrayal. It becomes a tragic scene when you come to know about your cheating partner and you have to confess them about it.

It is always difficult when you have to face the moment when you catch your partner cheating and confess them about that. The moment is very critical, and the situation can be messy. This is what the usual scene of cheating may look like, but what happens when you are dealing with a narcissistic partner and you have to confess their cheating? This experience can be particularly extra painful when the cheater is a narcissist.

Let us know, “What happens when you catch a Narcissist Cheating?” and also know the reasons why a narcissist might cheat in the first place.

Defining the term “Narcissist” or Narcissism

Narcissism or Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD) is a personality disorder that is related to a mental health condition that is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and need for admiration. Narcissists tend to have a sense of superiority where they feel they’re more powerful and condescending than others. They can effortlessly exploit others, and manipulate them for their own good or gain. In relationships, they often struggle to empathize with their partner’s feelings and may prioritize their own needs and desires above their partner’s.

Why do narcissists cheat?

Narcissists can easily break your trust in seconds by cheating, and additionally, their sense of entitlement doe snot even allow them to take responsibility for their actions. Narcissists have a huge ego to satisfy. Narcissists have zero control over themselves. They get easily distracted wherever they get a little attention as they are big attention seekers. Narcissists have no term for guilt or remorse in their dictionary. All they do is make you feel guilty for something that they have done. But they would never be guilty or ashamed of what they have done due to their high ego and zero self-control.

Narcissists might try or fake that they care about you, but in reality, all they care is about their needs, priorities, feelings, and concerns. They are primarily associated with self-praise, their accomplishments, their supply (supply is mostly associated with a person who falls victim to a narcissist person and their tactics to keep you in their lives), and everything about them. When they think you can no longer be their supply, that is when they find people and cheat on you.

There are various Narcissist cheating signs you should not deny at any cost. But how can you know if a narcissist is cheating on you? Narcissism is often relevant to partners cheating on each other as the narcissist lacks feelings like care, sympathy, and understanding, and the partner they are dating soon realizes that the relationship they are having is toxic. So either they continue this relationship due to forced and false endeavors made by the narcissist and have an external affair where they understand what a healthy relationship looks like or they just give up on dating!

Whereas on the other hand, Narcissist is always in search of new supply, so they often keep trying to establish several relationships along with their current one. Narcissists are self-centered and pathetic when it comes to understanding feelings, so they often change partners when they feel the current partner cannot give them what they want.

Do all Narcissists cheat?

The answer to this question is dubious, but no not all narcissists do cheat usually. But cheating is a trait certainly strongly attached and associated with narcissistic personalities. But narcissists do put a false identity or lie unbelievably so that no one can think they can be dishonest. They can perfectly portray an innocent character by lying straight to your face and that too with expertise.

What are some of the Narcissist Cheating Signs That You Should Not ignore?

Avoids meeting you with excuses
Cancels plans at the last minute
Sudden behavioral changes
Excessively showering you with love and other expensive gifts and surprising you
Disappearing suddenly for days and changing the topic when you ask about their disappearance
A sudden drop in communication
Lies Lies and only Lies
Do not allow you to go anywhere around their phones, tablets, or any belongings
Always on their phone
Showing no interest in physical intimacy with you
If by chance you get a hint about them cheating, blaming you for everything

What Happens When You Catch A Narcissist Cheating? (Exact Reactions)

If you are dating a narcissist, and you do note some changes in their behavior then that can be a sign of cheating as they would have found a new supply. What so ever may be the reason, if you have found out that a narcissist is cheating, then the next step is confronting them. So when you confront your narcissistic partner, they may respond in a number of ways. So let us know, some responses and reactions of a cheating narcissist.

Denial

The first reaction of a cheating narcissist is denial. They may flatly and bluntly deny their affair and call you(their partner) crazy for doubting them. They may suggest that you are being delusional for suggesting so. They may make you feel guilty for accusing them by using their narcissistic tricks and tactics. They struggle to accept criticism or any kind of feedback when they are placed in the limelight for committing something wrong like cheating. They struggle to accept their wrongdoing as that blame does not align with their perfectly created self-image.

Narcissistic Rage

What can be the most common reaction that you would expect from a narcissist to any inconvenience? Yes! you have guessed it absolutely right. It is anger, hostility, and rage. You might be very well aware of the narcissistic rage if you have been with a narcissist. You must or at least try to stay away from the narcissistic rage if you want peace. But when you catch a narcissist cheating, they would be bursting with anger. They would be so pissed at you transferring the blame at you that you are unlovable rather than confronting their mistake.

They would not bother to check what has gone wrong, or even think about your viewpoint. They would just be pissed when they are not able to justify their mistake and would just be worried about obtaining their supply. Their concern would not be related to you but only about supply.

When something triggers a narcissist, in this case, your confrontation about them cheating and lying, their first reaction is aggression and hostility. Confronting them may trigger a narcissist’s ill-intended side and thus they may act viciously or harshly. They would be all hyped up and agitated.

Defensiveness

When a narcissist has been caught cheating their other response may be defending their lie or blame shifting it to you. Here they may acknowledge that they have had an affair but might blame you(their partner) for not paying enough attention to their needs and so they had to resort to cheating and seeking attention from other people. They may say things like, “You were unable to meet my needs and so I had to resort to other means to fulfill my needs and desires.” They might blame you for neglecting them. This tactic allows the narcissists to maintain their sense of superiority and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

Narcissistic Hoovering

Narcissists try to hoover around their exes or anyone ghosting them and victimize them again, as they cannot let go easily. It can be really difficult to break up or ghost a narcissist as they can blackmail you, take revenge, or hoover around for a long period of time. They do this because they do not want to lose control over their source of supply. And also it is always difficult to date a narcissist due to their anger issues and unhealthy behavior so they have to be dependent on a lot of people to get their supply.

Hoovering is always intended for the emotional ex-partner that a narcissist tries to regain. It is the vulnerabilities that the narcissist takes advantage of. They would try to remind you of them by their glimpses and presence.

Brazenly accepting their infidelity

There are also a few cases where a narcissist may not even bother to hide their infidelity. They may be so convinced of their own superiority that they believe they are entitled to cheat without consequences. In these cases, they may be shockingly brazen about their actions and might not even show a little remorse.

Narcissistic Projection

Usually, projections are an outcome of self-guilt and deprived self-reflection. A narcissistic person lacks both. Narcissists never feel guilt or do not have any concepts of self-reflection. Narcissists do not want their grandiose image to be tarnished by their wrongdoings. So they be blaming or point fingers at others. This is the reason narcissistic projections are more common, frequent, and intense.

Narcissistic projections are like their hidden superpower according to them. They use it out of nowhere and leave you perplexed. They use these projections as a defense mechanism when they feel they would be exposed or their grandiose image is being questioned or tarnished.

For instance, They would freak even when you mention something about cheating on partners or would blame you by asking such questions, “Are you also thinking or doing something similar?” or something like “Do you also plan to cheat on me?”. Whereas in reality, they would be thinking about cheating on you or would already be having multiple partners, but just would not be admitting or would also not want to relieve of this toxic relationship, as they would not want to lose their control.

Apology and Charm

In some cases, when a narcissist is caught cheating they may try to charm their partner by love bombing them, and just side-tracking their wrongdoing, they may try to change the topic by charming their partner. In some cases, when a narcissist feels relay apologetic to their partners they might even apologize. However, it is important to recognize that this(apologizing or charming) may be just a manipulative tactic to regain control and avoid consequences.

Discarding

The Discard phase or the discarding begins when the narcissist feels that the charm and chase are over, the excitement and lust are gone, and the purpose (whatever they have been using you for like money, physical intimacy, just to cop with their former breakup or a fresh supply) is over, and they finally can no longer use you for their gains.

This is the last and final stage of the relationship where a narcissist would completely use you and when you are no longer available for them or become emotionally unavailable to them, emotionally drained, have no longer supply left, and start ignoring them; this is when they reject you and end the relationship abruptly.

The Discard phase is nothing but the time when a narcissist uses you completely until their satisfaction like their puppet, and when they no longer need you or find someone else they just discard you like something unimportant. They just end things abruptly without any firm reasons. They might even be cheating on their partners during this phase and thus they discard them and move on to other relationships.

Flying Monkeys

“Flying Monkeys” is a term used by mental health experts with reference to the characters of the Wizard of Oz, who followed the wicked, scary, and bad witch.

What does the term flying monkeys mean in the context of mental health issues?

“Flying Monkeys” is a term used for describing people who bid for narcissists, side with them, or do their dirty work to charge punishments on their targets. Flying Monkeys are the supporters, minions, and helpers who help their cruel agendas of threatening you, showing you what you are missing, forcing you to get back with them, or even being a reason that a narcissist might be upset with you when you share a concern regarding them with one of their flying monkeys.

A narcissist would assist one of their flying monkeys to lie, gossip, and spread rumors so that nobody questions their image and it may seem as if you are the one cheating and lying to them.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling is basically building an invisible hypothetical wall and not allowing anyone to penetrate through by avoiding meetups, calls, or anything that makes a conversation or any form of communication.

They would avoid talking to you, just answer whatever you ask, and would never initiate communication. They would never text your first, it is always you who is checking on them. They would not pick up your calls, avoid meeting you, and always put you on seen for messages. They would put you on read, will not call back, or simply just go MIA(Missing in Action). It is just another form of gaslighting, ghosting, or avoiding.

Self-Victimization

Instead of making it clear that they want to break up, they would make you feel like something is wrong with you, you have changed and become unlovable. This is a clear red flag and thus you should be ready to hear about the end of your relationship soon.

If by chance you get a hint of them cheating on you, they would act all innocent and behave like they are the victim here. A narcissist cannot accept their mistake because according to them, they are never wrong. This is when they make you feel you have done something wrong, but in reality, they are fed up with you and just want to discard you from their life, as they have found a new interest.

This is how they would victimize themselves, rather than committing to their fault here.

Gaslighting

Narcissists often use gaslighting as a way to make their partner doubt their own perceptions and reality. They may deny the cheating or try to minimize it as if it was not a big deal.

What can you do if you find yourself in this situation where you have to confront the narcissist about them cheating?

Here are a few tips:

Setting clear Boundaries – It is important to clearly communicate your expectations and boundaries to your partner. Let them know that their behavior is not acceptable and that you would not be tolerating cheating.

Consider your options – If your partner is unwilling or unable to change their behavior, you may need to consider whether the relationship is worth continuing or not. It is not easy to end a relationship, but staying with a partner who repeatedly betrays your trust and refuses to take responsibility for their actions is unlikely to lead to a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Seeking Support – Dealing with a cheating partner, particularly one with Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD) can be emotionally draining. Do not hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for seeking support.

Important Takeaway

Ultimately, catching a narcissist cheating can be a painful and confusing experience. It is a challenging and emotionally draining experience. It is important to remember that their behavior is not your fault and that you deserve to be treated with respect and honesty in any relationship. It is important for the person who was cheated on to prioritize their own well-being and make decisions that are best for them. Seeking support, setting clear boundaries, and considering other options carefully are a few ways to navigate this difficult situation.

Notice all the red flags, when they are so clear to you. Do not get brainwashed or do not get caught up in the fog of a narcissist’s atmosphere of lies and excuses.

If you notice any above-mentioned signs in your partner, take it as a hint or sign of cheating, or discuss it clearly with your narcissistic partner about your suspicion. Free yourself from such a toxic relationship as soon as possible.

Author
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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

What Happens When You Catch A Narcissist Cheating? (Exact Reactions)