How to Deal with a Narcissistic Brother? (7 Successful Ways)

by Ella Carrillo · December 21, 2022

How to Deal with a Narcissistic Brother? Does it affect your relationship if you have a narcissistic sibling? Is it easy to deal with a Narcissistic Brother? Can you cop with a Narcissistic Brother? Let us know the answers to these questions further in this article.

Having a narcissistic family member around can be difficult especially while growing up. Narcissistic parents usually pass on the legacy of narcissistic traits to their children too, which may affect them in negative ways. But narcissism is much wider than this. It is a mental health condition that is inbred or a person just happens to be affiliated with by being in such an atmosphere, among narcissistic people, or just happen to be associated with them somehow.

How to know whether or not you are dealing with a narcissist? What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder? What are some ways to spot a narcissist? Let us know more about narcissism and NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

What is NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition, where the patient has extremely high admiration for their self which includes boosted self-esteem, self-centeredness, high self-worth, boosted ego, and a low tolerance for criticism, emotions, and attachments. Narcissism is merely not just self-admiration or having selfish inclinations. It is a tested and diagnosed mental health problem, which is experienced by some individuals with more intensity than others.

Everyone possesses selfish traits like ego, jealousy, self-praise, selfishness, control over situations in life as much as possible, expecting attention from others, troubles in relationships, rudeness, selfishness, lack of self-reflection, parental pressure, Parental issues, and many more.

Then how do these common traits make a narcissist different from others?

To understand NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) in simple form or pedestrian language, let us put it in simple words. NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is nothing but portraying these common toxic traits in an intensified state than others. And that is how these common toxic traits that are possessed by all but simply are intensified for a person with narcissistic personality disorder make them a little from others.

Who is a Narcissist?

A Narcissist is an individual who is excessively obsessed to have control, is usually materialistic, money controlling, and is obsessed with everything which makes their social image lustrous.

A Narcissist person craves attention all the time, lacks care and empathy, can be rude and blunt, ignores other people’s feelings, and has troubled relationships. Narcissists can play mind tricks and manipulate you. They can easily manipulate you by deceiving you. They do not think twice before hurting you, have selfish desires, can even cheat, or can do anything to make their ways work.

What are some traits through which you can spot a narcissist?

Lack of sensitivity and empathy.
Exaggerates situations to intensify their worth, accomplishments, or even difficulties.
Are self-centric.
Are obsessed with materialistic desires and appearances.
Blame others for their mistakes.
Have unhealthy relationships.
Have regular mood swings.
Arrogance and anger is their first reaction to any problems.
Hate changes and also cannot take criticism well.
Are emotionally unstable and unavailable with low self-esteem.
Jealousy is one of the many arrows in their quiver.
Takes advantage of others easily.
Are abusive both mentally and verbally.
Lack of self-awareness and self-reflection.
Always expect more from others.
Are in constant need of approval.

It may take a while or even longer for you to spot a narcissist. You have to be with a person to know their real self. A narcissist can easily hide their real personalities behind a mask of fake mirroring. Narcissists who have a very charming and irresistible first impression can leave a mark on you initially. But to know more about a narcissist you have to spend more time with them or maybe even live with them.

So now being a little familiar with narcissistic personality disorder and a narcissist, let us know how to deal with a narcissistic and more prominently when it is a family member. Yes! Here we are talking about dealing with a narcissistic sibling, especially a brother.

How is it growing up with a narcissistic sibling?

Growing up with a narcissistic sibling can be tough as is. They would make everything about them. You would end up being their mere shadow. Your achievements would be envied and your talents would be overshadowed by their fake entities. They would always try to be the best at everything from being the favorite child to the parents, the adorable and worthy descended of the family, or be it among society.

There are various points that you might face or have already faced while growing up with a narcissistic sibling, Narcissistic sibling traits;

You two would have a toxic and complex relationship purely based on terms of benefits and favors.
A narcissistic sibling would transfer the blame on you for their wrong deed.
They would claim everything that they want and you might be left with almost nothing in terms of material things.
They would only connect with you when they want something from you.
They would be jealous of your achievements.
They always need to be the center of attraction or the elephant in the room.
You might feel better with them not being around.
They lack emotional connection and display.
They would be mean to you for no reason because of their mood shifts and internal conflicts.
They would make you think that they are the parent’s favorite child and not you.
They would act as a hindrance to your achievements.
They would be competitive ad not happy about your success.
They would take advantage of you.

These are general traits of narcissistic siblings, but let us discuss traits of narcissistic brothers in particular.

Cues of a Narcissistic Brother

Signs that may prove that you have a narcissistic brother,

He would be a liar, a reckless liar

Narcissistic siblings would lie effortlessly when they have to prove a point or make an impression. They would even lie to their parents when they are unable to achieve something. Lying is the instinct of a narcissistic sibling. Narcissistic siblings would escape the reality of situations and live in the world of made-up lies.

He would gaslight you

Narcissistic siblings either hide their mistakes or just prove you wrong or just burden you with their mistakes. And when you question them irrespective of their actions they would lash out at you, saying you lack trust or you are lying. This is how they even gaslight you.

He would be jealous of you and your achievements

A Narcissistic sibling would be jealous of your achievements, your happiness, or even your growth. If you surpass them in any way or by means they would not be happy about it and instead would degrade your achievement with jealous comments or criticism. Your narcissistic brother would just twist the reality of the situation. He would be abusive and irrational but would never accept it rather than keep denying it.

He would think that you are less important than him

When it comes to the emotional bonding with your narcissistic brother, you would not be able to as he would think less of you. He just considers himself to be superior, smarter, important, deserving, and ahead of you and thus there can not be an equal bond that you would expect from a sibling.

He has a sense of entitlement

Narcissist siblings feel they deserve everything special, and nothing less. This habit of entitlement does not allow them to look at the truth or the reality. They prefer lies as lies make them feel better, greater, and something more than others.

He would be inconsiderate of your feelings

There is no emotional bonding when you live with a narcissistic sibling. They have constant mood swings and emotional tantrums. So there is always a lack of emotional support and constant emotional manipulation. Narcissists lack empathy and sensitivity. There is no meaning to the word sibling bond when you live with a narcissistic brother. He would be verbally abusive and emotionally unavailable when you need him thus he is inconsiderate of what you feel and how you feel.

He would not be helpful

A narcissistic brother has a different view when it comes to helping. He would state that being a male and a privileged member of the family, working or helping is not their thing especially if you have an elder narcissistic brother.

There are many more signs and cues that a narcissistic brother possesses. These above-mentioned are more commonly observed in a narcissistic sibling; especially a brother. Now let us know some ways for, “How to Deal with a Narcissistic Brother?

How to Deal with a Narcissistic Brother?

Set firm boundaries
Focus on your choices
Seek help and support whenever required
Do not confront them head on
Do not give in to their improper behavior
Avoid arguments or heated situations
Disconnecting from him from time to time

1. Set firm boundaries

Setting firm boundaries might initially upset your narcissistic brother, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth. Be less accessible to him.

Do not try to get close to him more than required, do not blindly allow him to take an advantage of you, do not let him dominate all situations, and do not tolerate his nasty behavior all the time. Maintain your peace by keeping a safe distance from him. Do not let him know about plans or any future endeavors. Narcissists tend to use your actions against you very often so limit your access to them.

2. Focus on your choices

When you live with a narcissistic brother, every situation or every move is about them. They chose what they want but also what you would want. They think they are somehow smarter than you and can make better choices. Thus they would force their decisions and choices on you disregarding your choices. So choose for yourself and perceive what you wish. When you live with a narc sibling, you often lose your individuality because everything is about them. So change that and make choices that are good for both you and him.

Do not disregard his choices, just listen to him but do as you wish. This way it may not upset him but also allow you to make decisions for yourself.

3. Seek help and support whenever required

Consulting and connecting with people who understand you, and seeking help from other people like parents, teachers, friends, or anybody you feel comfortable discussing your matters with can help you a lot. Seek help and support from anyone who is reliable and can understand and support you no matter what.

In such cases when you are mature enough, seeking professional help or consulting a therapist may also be a good idea. Consult a mental health expert, a therapist, or anyone who can guide you toward the betterment of yourself.

4. Do not confront them head on

While dealing with a Narcissistic sibling, confrontation is always risky and a not-so-good idea unless you may want to create uninvited trouble for yourself. Narcissists run away from the truth and they do not like being told about reality. Narcissists are not good while dealing with truth, feelings, vulnerabilities, and confrontations.

Confrontations may arouse their wrath and they might make a scene. They would be loud and volatile about being confronted. So rather than confronting them, you may either choose to ignore or just side-track the topic or may even leave it altogether. Instead, think of a way that can be a win-win situation for both of you, that is coping. This can be a way of getting along with your Narcissistic brother and also giving them a taste of their nasty behavior.

5. Do not give in to their improper behavior

“No” is the word that a narcissist cannot take. Do not fulfill any of his requests, or run no more errands for him until they change their nasty behavior. Be straightforward and do not hesitate to deny whenever required. This can ensure your mental peace and would freak your narc brother as controlling you is their strong aspect and strength. Do not argue, give in to his improper behavior or even fight with him, just learn to say a firm no and be busy with your things.

6. Avoid arguments or heated situations

Arguments and heated situations are kinds of strong narcissistic traits. It is their strong pursuit to argue, and use arrogance and anger to make their point. They would be ever ready to fight and prove you wrong in situations where they lose control. So simply put our point without raising your voice, or being volatile or sparky. Be calm and composed while making your point. This is how you can avoid arguments or heated situations with him.

7. Disconnecting from him from time to time

Even though your narcissistic brother is a part of your family and no doubt you love him despite his nasty personality, you need your safe space where you can disconnect from his trauma and negativity from time to time.

Disconnecting from him from time to time can ensure your mental peace. He is part of the family but discuss about disconnecting with your brother with your parents and then do so. Do not talk, call, or connect with him even through social media. Silent treatment would work best if you live in the same place, but if you live separately then there would be no problem in going no contact for a while. Letting go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and life experiences can be a great relief for healing.

Inference

After reading this article, you might have understood at least this much that having a narcissistic family is not your fault but you can always protect yourself by disconnecting and letting go of the hurt.

Healing becomes the top priority and no more involvement in their traumatic life experiences. Setting boundaries sure helps but the best way to help yourself is disconnecting from them or going no contact.

Involve yourself in self-care. Celebrate your little victories, discuss or reach out to your parents about this, get help from loved ones, consult a therapist, be grateful for what you have rather than what it is not, sleep well, eat well, stay with friends, be positive and live well.

So if you have a narcissistic brother do not worry, just draw certain and clear boundaries, and clear differences, and do not always be available and accessible for him to take advantage of you. Narcissists do tend to drain you out of positivity but involve yourself in healing.

Even though your narcissistic brother is a part of your family and no doubt you love him despite his nasty personality traits, you need your safe space where you can disconnect from his trauma and negativity from time to time.

Knowing more about Narcissism can also help you understand your NPD siblings or anybody with NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) better. This is the best and utmost way to cope with a narcissistic person. You can also know ways and tricks to handle a narcissistic brother.

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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.