How To Annoy A Narcissistic Mother-In-Law? – 10 Effective Tactics

by Ella Carrillo · September 12, 2023

How To Annoy A Narcissistic Mother-In-Law? Mothers-in-law can be some of the most difficult individuals to adjust and deal with when you are newly married or adjusting to a new family, but what if you are dealing with a narcissistic Mother-In-Law?

How do you know whether you have narcissistic in-laws?

The answer to this question is difficult to know especially in a short time. After spending some time with them, you might feel you are mistreated, or not given enough importance and credit. When you have given enough time to your marriage, especially the family if you still are unhappy with the way they behave with you or the ways they treat you, know that it might be a problem with them and do not evaluate yourself.

No matter how hard you try, whatever you do you are unable to impress your in-laws, and somehow you end up being the bearer of wrongdoings according to them. They would be interfering in your married life, even controlling your partner. They might also try to establish their control over you. A narcissistic mother can have an acute or shallow relationship with their children, which can also be implied to you as your mother-in-law. So note the signs of a narcissistic mother-in-law with the help of a few mentioned below,

She can be verbally abusive.
All conversations with her might end up in fights or silent treatment.
She is controlling and overpowering.
From a distance, the hills are ravishing; she might seem very pleasing at first
She might be constantly complaining to your partner about your lacking and inappropriate personality, which would not be the case most of the time.
Arrogance and anger is her first reaction to any problems caused by you.
No matter how hard you try, whatever you do you are unable to impress her.
She is self-centric and needs constant attention and praise.
She would be interfering in your married life, even controlling your partner.
She has unhealthy relations with relatives.
Easily irritated and has drastic mood changes and shifts.
She would be biased and not treat you equally.
She lacks sensitivity and empathy.
She would always expect more from you and is never satisfied by your personality and presence.
She would tell made-up tales and lies about you.
Your ideas, opinions, and achievements are completely disregarded by her.
She loves to play favorites.
She would not help you.
You would be walking on eggshells around her.
She criticizes your parenting style and lifestyle choices.

Thus when you know, you have to deal with a narcissistic mother-in-law, you will need to find ways either to cope with her or annoy her to gain some peace, as you would never be able to beat her at her own game. So you might as well reduce her influence on your life by irritating her or annoying her with some tricks. If she can play her toxic little games then so can you. Here below are some points that may help you to annoy your narcissistic mother-in-law.

How To Annoy A Narcissistic Mother-In-Law?

Do not let her manipulate you

Narcisists wish that everyone would act according to them, and feel how they are feeling. They can completely drain your energy and try to make you miserable, if they are miserable or any emotion they are feeling, they might try to confer those emotions upon you.

So the best way to deal with this situation is by staying positive and building up some positive energy around her so that you do not get irritated with her and not allow her to bring your mood down. Be the bearer of your own positive energy and happiness around your manipulative mother-in-law.

Do not disclose too much information

Limiting the amount of content you tell your narcissistic mother-in-law can help you stop the rumors they spread about you. When you have a disagreement, a narcissistic mother-in-law may use anything and everything against you.

They can isolate you and corner you with their toxic thoughts and behavior and also condition other family members to believe so. They may act like they care about you but do remember here that narcissists can fake it to make you believe anything they want.

Thus limit the information you share with her, and prevent her from spoiling your reputation. This will ensure that she is unable to use anything against you at times when you have a disagreement or get into a quarrel with her.

If you consider anything to be a secret, then forbid yourself to expose that to them. For instance, if you and your partner are having some difficulty in the relationship do not discuss that with her, as she can blemish your relationship with your partner by putting in her toxic thoughts that may hinder your sweet bond.

Start saying “No”

A narcissistic mother-in-law would lose her cool as soon as you start saying no or deny her doing something for you. Narcissists feel rejected and insulted when you deny them something. This can make them furious and their curiosity may result in narcissistic rage.

Setting boundaries may work up to some extent, but saying no can be really upsetting for the narcissist.

For instance, if your mother-in-law plans to throw a house party for your partner without consulting you or to show off to your partner that she cares more, but you have already planned a party, then feel free to deny her idea and politely ask her to get involved in what you have planned.

She might become defensive or reject your idea, but try to stay as calm as possible. Do not allow her to gaslight you or guilt trip you with her manipulative tactics. Thus you can annoy your narcissistic mother-in-law by gently retracting her.

Spend more time with your family

When you have a narcissistic mother-in-law, they would try to ruin your relationship with other family members. She would insist that you spend more time with her, rather than other members.

Try spending more time with your family and strengthen your family ties. This would ensure that you are in a loving environment and when your mother-in-law would notice this, this would completely annoy her as they think you are trying to grab everyone’s attention and trying to gain control. Giving control to someone else seems like a nightmare for the narcissist, and thus she would be annoyed when you try to strengthen your familiar bonds.

Ignore her

Dealing with a toxic and narcissistic mother-in-law can be difficult enough as is, so to maintain your composure you might just leave her at whatever she is saying and not respond while ignoring her, because if you start getting involved in the situation, you may have to face a lot more than it is.

Ignoring her would save you so much trauma where you would be safe from her draining you emotionally and mentally and also dealing with her becomes far more easy, when you just start feigning ignorance. Ignoring her intentionally would give you your power back, you would be able to do as you wish and also get the control back.

If your narcissistic mother-in-law is complaining about your cooking day and night, you might feel the urge to say something like “Why don’t you teach me to cook for your taste?” or “I may not be able to contribute to cooking anymore with the constant bickering”, instead Just ignore her complaints and enjoy your meal by yourself in peace and just observe them lose their cool. A narcissistic mother-in-law may not make the effort to teach you better, but rather just complain and create chaos.

Choose your Battles

Not all battles are supposed to be won, as you need to choose your battles wisely. As far as this statement holds importance, you need to stand against your narcissistic mother-in-law but also do not need to participate in all fights. This may be too tiring for you, as narcissists hate losing and they need to win every battle to gain an upper hand in all situations.

Respect your boundaries and do not let her step over them. Just do not allow her to win by silly bickering or petty squabbles. Narcissists have a tendency to create drama in all situations but do not fall for her trap and maintain your composure by not getting involved. Do not provide justifications to your every step, and thus choose your battles wisely with her.

Create an Escape Strategy

Not everything can work as per your wish especially having a narcisist around. Narcissists have a tendency to work situations according to them and thus they may do anything to fulfill that. This may be stressful, chaotic, and burdensome for you, but remember your boundaries here.

A narcissistic mother-in-law would definitely stir trouble in your peaceful life at some point in time to create drama. So rather than giving in to her intentions find a way or create an escape plan that both you and your partner might agree upon.

Decide upon a limit as to how much are you willing to bear, and then signal your partner to activate the escape plan. This can be pretty simple once your partner is favoring you. So make sure you have the support of your partner. The escape plan can include various ways to withdraw from the chaotic situations and thus when you do so it is sure that your mother-in-law is going to be annoyed.

Broaden your views and try to understand her viewpoint

Sometimes understanding her viewpoints might actually help you in understanding her better. Narcissists usually prove their worth by constantly doing things but in an elaborate way. She would always add her extra touch to things while working around you. So try to understand her better, and you might also learn some useful tips from her as well. And also would help in understanding her thinking patterns, her abusive theories, and her plan to degrade you.

The most important step is to understand the abuse and also understand how it is not normal. Then comes the task of recognizing her pattern of abuse, her ways of creating drama and a toxic atmosphere, her harmful approaches, and responses to your simple questions, and her change of behavior as soon as your partner or someone else from the family gets involved, or always her negativity for you.

When you start reacting positively to your narcissistic mother-in-law’s toxic comments and viewpoints, they might be started and annoyed that you are not taking her bait and avoiding chaos purposefully.

Strengthen your relationship with your spouse

Do not deal directly with your Narcissistic mother-in-law for some major matters, instead discuss it with your partner first as they can guide you better regarding those major familial issues as they would know their mother’s instincts and motives better than you. A child can know the true nature of their parents and also might show some ways to cope with your Narcissistic mother-in-law. Your partner might not even be aware of the troubled relationship between you and her.

So it is better that your partner gets both viewpoints and helps you out in troubled times. Also avoid putting your partner in a dilemma, so that they do not have to face a situation where they have to choose between you or their mother. Also, remember they are a part of the family itself, so do not try to turn them against each other or be the reason for distancing them, instead find solutions that are favorable for all three of you.

Create Boundaries

Setting firm boundaries might initially upset your narcissistic mother-in-law, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth. Be less accessible to her. Do not get much involved in her drama and her trauma. She would think you are controlling everything by creating boundaries. But you have to take the reign at least for yourself.

Do not try to get close to her more than required, do not blindly allow her to take advantage of you just for the sake of the relationship, do not let her dominate all situations, do not tolerate her nasty behavior all the time, maintain your peace by keeping a safe distance from her by setting some firm boundaries from the beginning.

Final Thoughts

It is impossible to expect changes in the case of a narcissistic mother-in-law, so learn to work your way out without giving in to their manipulative tactics, do not let it harm your relationship with your partner, and remember, “Ignorance is bliss” so disconnect from her toxicity, let go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and focus on how to make your life merrier even with their presence.

Author
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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

How To Annoy A Narcissistic Mother-In-Law? – 10 Effective Tactics

How do you know whether you have narcissistic in-laws?