What Does Intimacy Look Like For A Narcissist In A Long-Term Relationship?
What does intimacy look like for a narcissist in a long-term relationship? When you are in a long-term relationship with a narcissist, the true meaning of intimacy might have become vague for you as intimacy for narcissists is different from what or how you might have expected.
Intimacy is a feeling or a sense of closeness. It helps build physical, and emotional connections in a relationship that transcends into a strong, close, and vigorous bond.
Intimacy has many forms and perceptions according to different people. But the closest form and meaning refers to being close or connected to another person. Intimacy may be the adhesive for relationships or it may just be an underplay for sex or just a physical connection without the involvement of emotions. Sometimes physical intimacy may pave a path for relationships to make them stronger. It can also strengthen familial bonds and friendships.
Intimacy is not something that you can instantly build up, it takes time and effort to develop an intimate relationship with someone. It needs equal involvement and effort from both partners. Though intimacy is a natural trait and may come naturally for some people, usually it takes time for all.
If a relationship lacks intimacy, then intimacy can be developed over time with practice, patience, nurturing, and fulfillment.
To define intimacy, it is an emotional process that includes give and take from both partners or people. Intimacy fosters emotions like warmth, understanding, love, and confidentiality that allow the people involved to be vulnerable, close, trustworthy, and authentic with each other.
Now this is what intimacy looks like, but how does intimacy feel like with a narcissist, and that too when you are involved in a long-term relationship with them? Let us find out.
Do Narcissists Like Intimacy?
From a narcissist’s viewpoint, they always say that they like being intimate with their partners which involves building a relationship on physical and emotional needs. They often say that they deeply care about their loved ones but their actions do not show the same. They will most probably rank intimacy as their top priority when they get into a relationship only to find out later that they do not.
Narcissists also say that they make great partners as they prioritize emotional and physical intimacy with their partners. This completely contradicts a narcissist’s personality traits. Narcissists usually develop hollow and fake relationships as they lack empathy and thus they are unable to read other people’s emotions.
Narcissists always have this assumption that they are always right, and they also always believe that the entire world is wrong fundamentally. Narcissism stems from a lack of emotional bonding, lack of empathy, self-loathing, lack of self-esteem, and fear. It may also stem from childhood trauma and lack of proper parenting.
Narcissistic parents usually fail to form a healthy and intimate bond with their children. They have a transactional bond with their children, leaving children with a lifelong of childhood trauma, along with other emotions of feeling isolated, neglected, and worthless. This results in them constantly seeking validation attention and adoration from others.
So when other people try to form an emotional bond with a narcissist, they either shun those feelings or just run away from them. They avoid getting involved in such emotional scenes because they do not really understand how intimacy feels and what is the true meaning of it. Narcissist understand intimacy in their own language which often involves only take and a rare give.
To cope with traumatic and painful emotions, narcissists build a virtual wall that helps them hide their true emotions and true selves. They develop a false self-image that helps them exaggerate their grandiose self-image and gives a blow to their self-importance.
Despite having this fake sense of self, narcissists constantly and desperately try to fulfill themselves. Narcissists seek approval from others in the form of intimacy and validation. This makes them feel safe and fitting in the world.
With intimacy narcissists feel desired, entitled, special, and fulfilled. Sometimes intimacy also provides power and control which makes the narcissist feel valuable in the relationship.
Do Narcissists Avoid Intimacy?
This depends on the narcissistic individual you are dealing with. Some narcissists avoid intimacy, while some crave it.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist who constantly avoids any kind of intimacy, then you might want to consider checking whether they are having those needs fulfilled with someone else! Most Narcissists need intimacy in the relationship, and hence this becomes important to check whether or not your narcissistic partner is cheating on you.
Not all narcissists cheat on their partners, but some do and they will try to fully justify it too. They will promote their own happiness and desire even if it involves violating the commitment they made to their partner. If your narcissistic partner suddenly stops showing interest in you or stops being involved in physical intimacy with you, then consider it as a warning or a sign and a red flag.
Narcissists make sure that they have their sources of supply lined. They seek narcissistic supply through their jobs, compulsive habits (alcohol consumption, using drugs, or having intimate relations to satisfy their physical needs), perfecting their personalities, hoarding money, and many more.
If the narcissist has any of these supply sources as a dominant priority in their life then they may not feel the need to have intimacy, so it is then when they start avoiding intimacy. But if the narcissists are not getting enough supply, they will seek intimacy in different forms from different people.
If narcissists do not have a desire to get into a committed relationship, then they might resort to dating apps, strip clubs, escort services, or any form of intimacy that does not require building an emotional connection.
Narcissism and Emotional Intimacy
Narcissists can get into superficial bonds really quickly. When a narcissist is attracted to someone they often experience that surge of adrenaline rush just like everyone else. This is the stage where the narcissist falls in love immediately, and this quickly escalates into love bombing and infatuation stages. They may feel that are skilled at having an emotionally intimate bond, whereas in reality this connection that they feel instantly with someone is fake and temporary.
Real intimacy may require a lot of time, effort, and real connection. That immediate spark is just temporary as real intimacy takes time. Narcissistic relationships are based on temporary emotions, as narcissists can get easily distracted and find someone new within no time when they start losing that spark with their current partners.
Narcissists and Physical Intimacy
Most Narcissists have high sex drives and thus love physical intimacy.
Narcissists are controlling and thus they form superficial relationships as they need power. Thus their relationships cannot be easygoing. Their traits and tendencies make their bonds and relationships complicated. And complicated relationships are always shallow and surface-level.
Narcissists lack empathy which makes them incapable of experiencing emotions like love, intimacy, and care. Most narcissists are shallow and they do not know much about making deeper emotional bonds or nurturing their relationships. Their love, affection, and attraction are surface-level tactics just to make their relationship go as they thrive upon the narcissistic supply that they mostly obtain from their partners.
Having said that, Narcissists do love physical intimacy that does not require emotional attachment like one-night stands, or forming relations that do not require emotional commitments.
Sex with Narcissists may not be out of love or genuine affection, but it is a mere portrayal to assert control, influence, and hold power against their partners. They do not form intimate relationships based on genuine feelings, but they simply get into a physical relationship just to gain something.
Narcissists love a sensational, hot, and sensuous session in bed, be it with their partner or be it with multiple partners as they are thrill seekers, who would happily and joyfully agree to get into a physical relationship with you. They also love the idea of friends with benefits.
People who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder tend to have higher sex drives and thus they would engage positively in love-making sessions with one or more partners. There are studies that may help to support the statement that narcissists are actively involved in expressing themselves in the sexual domain.
According to an article, narcissists have a higher sex drive and thus they enjoy coitus. This may conclude that narcissists may engage in many such activities that include physical intimacy, yet it does not prove that they would enjoy or form a meaningful connection through physical intimacy.
They might frequently involve themselves in such sexual activities yet it would not satisfy their hunger for seeking pleasure. They are mean and selfish thus they do not care about what others would feel and just seek out things, people, activities, etc., that give them pleasure. Thus they fail to form meaningful bonds with anyone.
What Does Intimacy Look Like For A Narcissist In A Long-Term Relationship?
Narcissists get easily bored and distracted with their partners when they feel the charm and chase is over. They want their relations to be extreme, which means they want their relations to be exciting, passionate, and full of thrill all the time.
Narcissists always struggle to form meaningful connections with others, and thus they are not able to understand the gist of the word intimacy.
Narcissists only tend to be interested in such people who can provide them the best of what they desire but would never do that for anyone else. They just know how to get and not give. Due to this, narcissists have a hot and cold connection with intimacy.
In some cases, narcissists have no problem in being physically intimate, but they struggle with emotional intimacy. Some narcissists use physical intimacy(sex) as a means to control their partners. They might withhold getting into bed with their partners when they feel like punishing them.
Some narcissists have unrealistic and unreasonable fantasies and expectations from their partners. For instance, their partner always needs to be in a mood to get laid with them when they are in a mood.
Some narcissists prefer long-term relationships if they have such values that involve having a marriage and building a family. Rest, do not like to get into commitments like marriage, and may also dislike the idea of commitment.
Thus what a narcissist chooses solely depends on their personal values and beliefs.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists only tend to be interested in such people who can provide them the best of what they desire but would never do that for anyone else. They just know how to get and not give. Due to this, narcissists have a hot and cold connection with intimacy.
Some narcissists prefer long-term relationships if they have such values that involve having a marriage and building a family. Rest, do not like to get into commitments like marriage, and may also dislike the idea of commitment.
Thus what a narcissist chooses solely depends on their personal values and beliefs.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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