10+ Toxic Signs of a Narcissistic Grandmother (& Ways to Deal with Her)
Before getting into the details of Toxic Signs of a Narcissistic Grandmother, just try to picture someone first. What comes to your mind when you picture or imagine a grandmother? There is this picture of a wrinkly, loving, and caring personality. But what happens when that adorable old lady turns out to be a toxic, manipulative narcissistic grown-up whom you always adored? This article will be discussing the Toxic Signs of a Narcissistic Grandmother.
Grandparents are those dignified grown-ups of the family who are usually the support pillars and also bind the family together. They are the representatives of family, traditions, the culture, and are the bridges that help us cover the generational gaps. They are the foundations or the base of the family tree, from whom we can seek advice, help, and any sort of support and care. They are a very important part of the family and thus they are cherished by everyone. But what if your grandparents turn out to be toxic and manipulative narcissists who would be ruining the definition of a family, love, and care for you, especially if it turns out that you have toxic grandmothers?
Now the question arises, How do you identify a narcissist if you ever come across one, especially a family member? To do that, one must know the characteristics, traits, and behavior of a narcissist and then jump to conclusions. This article would be discussing how to identify a Narcissist, and also discuss details about the topic, “Toxic Signs of a Narcissistic Grandmother and Ways to Deal with her.”
Toxic Signs of a Narcissistic Grandmother
1. She wishes to be the favorite grandparent
2. Grandparents are examples of love, sympathy, care, selfless motives, and genuine affection. But it is not so in the case of a narcissistic grandmother. A narcissistic grandmother would only believe in receiving love, care, and affection from their family members, especially their grandchildren. She also has the desire to be the favorite grandparent among the grandkids and also always tries to manipulate kids into believing that she is better than others. She would say statements like “Who is the best grandmom? “Who gives you chocolates?” or “Who would you choose between your grandparents?”. She would ask such questions just to seek favorable answers in the form of a narcissistic supply.
2. She is controlling and manipulative
A narcissistic grandmother is very controlling when it comes to fulfilling what she desires or what she decides. She has to have a say in the final say of the family decision and also she would control everyone just to achieve what she wants. She would be guilt-tripping the family members and making them believe what she believes. She would play the victim in many scenarios especially if it has to do something with the daughter-in-law if she is from the paternal side and son-in-law if she is from the maternal side. She would not even spare her family members and play blame games with them.
She is manipulative and might use tactics like showering excessive love and spoiling grandkids that might impact them negatively, she would be gaslighting and would often be the cause of chaos in the house sometimes as she might be loving it when people fight and seek her advice to sort out. She likes such a sort of attention.
3. Narcissistic grandmothers are pathological liars
All Narcissists have a very huge ego to satisfy, so they always want to prove a point by lying. They just consider themselves smarter than others. Egoistic narcissist often tends to lie due to their deceiving characteristics and traits. Narcissists believe that the Truth makes them feel inferior to others.
Narcissistic grandmothers lie to blame others for problems caused by her. She would never accept the responsibility that might damage her perfect image in the family. She would in fact create more problems by lying in layers rather than seeking the truth and creating less complex relationships between family members. Narcissistic grandmothers simply cannot accept the wrongdoings as it might harm their ways of bonding with the family members.
4. She is easily offended
Narcissistic grandmothers have a tendency to take things personally even in a general discussion. She would take the blame on herself, create or add more drama to a simple chat and thus create chaos. This is in general the nature of a behavioral characteristic of a narcisistic grandmother. She might also get offended when family members do not receive her calls, or might not have included her in making some important decision regarding their own lives, or might have not included her in some private matter of their grandchild’s lives.
She wants and wishes to be included in everything that takes place in the family. She might even be this nosy mother-in-law and might constantly interfere in the married life of her children.
5. She makes everything about herself
Narcissistic grandmothers may have an inherent tendency to make everything about themselves. Every discussion, occasion, celebration, gathering, or festivities, needs to be the center of attraction. She would find ways to seek attention every now and then. Narcissistic generally are attention seekers, even if it is at the cost of ruining things. They might be so compelling in getting the attention of the family members that even if the matter is not about her, she would be relating it to herself and making a scene where she would try to shift the focus from the real matter to her own grandiosity and how great she is.
6. She is inconsiderate and creates drama whenever she is around
Narcissistic grandmothers are like those liberal and carefree adults who would spoil their grandchildren even at the cost of them developing bad habits or practices. For instance, she would also be getting chocolates, junk food, or any other things that might be harmful to the child’s health if consumed repetitively and in large amounts. She would do so just to rise in the eyes of her grandkids as when she does so, her grandchildren like her and appreciate her presence in their life, but she would not consider the fact that she might be harming her grandchildren in an indirect way.
Thus there would be drama every time she visits or anytime she creates trouble as she would spoil her grandchildren by arguing with family members just for seeking attention.
7. She focuses on her appearance
Narcissistic grandmothers might get jealous of her daughter or her granddaughter’s beauty as she has aged and cannot go back to her younger self. Narcissists have this thing about their appearances where they are boastful and proud of their beauty, good looks, or just charming personalities and they tend to openly boast about their looks. Thus when they get old, they might get insecure regarding their aging symptoms, changes in their looks, and how other people might think that they are no longer beautiful.
8. She does not respect Personal Boundaries
Narcissists are made differently as they would not be shameful of breaking boundaries with other people, offending them over and over, and also continuing the same until the other person just gets frustrated with them due to their undignified behavior. For instance, a narcissistic grandmother would show up unannounced and try to insert her way into family matters. She lacks the concept of privacy and would just visit to interfere.
9. She has volatile reactions
Having a narcissistic grandmother in the house would force other family members to walk on eggshells around her as she might lash out at the slightest mistakes and the inconveniences that the members can cause. She would be overreacting over trivial matters and always demands total compliance in all matters. Whenever you cross her boundaries, they might burst out on you with their rage, but when it comes to your boundaries then she might say, “What boundaries? I am older than you.” She might even threaten or blackmail their children to cut them off from the family and her life when they are not obedient.
10. Nothing she gives you is for free
Narcissists have transactional relationships even with their family members and grandchildren. Whenever she would provide you with her assistance or money she would always have hidden agendas behind that generosity. She would think that now she has provided you with whatever you desired, thus you are indebted to her. She thinks you owe her due to her generosity. Nothing is free in the case of narcissists and they do seek impeccable favors from you.
11. She grooms your children
For narcissistic grandmothers, grooming their grandkids can also be a part of their controlling and manipulative nature. In the way of grooming your kids, she might spoil them by buying expensive gifts which might not even be needed or sharing some secrets which may not be appropriate to them, teaching some toxic habits to them, and much more. For example, the child might side with her rather than accept their mistakes in disputes.
12. She would not respect your parenting rules
Narcissists are emotionally unavailable people. They are self-centered, and egoistic, lash out in anger more frequently, have a very low rate of understanding, and blame everyone, rather than look out for them. There is no emotional stability and emotional bonding when you live with a narcissistic grandmother. She would constantly be criticizing you for your parenting styles and the upbringing of your kids.
She would criticize the way you deal with your child, your child’s habits, and much more, whereas, in reality, she was not an excellent mother to her child. To be honest not even a desirable mother, as mothers have warmth, love, care, and understanding but not in the case of narcissistic grandmothers.
A few more unlikable traits of a narcissistic grandmother include,
- A narcissistic grandmother would often compare her children, would push buttons that would damage them emotionally, would manipulate them emotionally, which would create an unhealthy atmosphere within your family.
- She would pick between her favorite grandchildren and daughter’s-in-law and would mention this in front of everyone.
- A narcissistic grandmother would resort to using flattery in terms of care, love, and bonding with you.
- A narcissistic grandmother would degrade you when you do not prove yourself according to their standards.
- She would be exaggerating and lying about the actual situation, to prove you incorrect and incapable, especially with your children.
Ways to Deal with a narcissistic grandmother
It is absolutely understandable that when you have a narcissistic family member, the complete family dynamics fall into jeopardy. But there are certain ways that can help cope with narcissistic family members which include,
Talk to your children openly
Children may easily absorb the wrong and negative behavior of their grandmother. SO explain to them that this behavior is not appropriate and normal and also explain the mental health condition of their grandmother to them.
Disconnecting from her trauma from time to time
Disconnecting from her trauma from time to time can ensure your mental peace. She is part of the family but discuss this firmly with your family members and disconnect from her for a while. Letting go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and life experiences can be a great relief for healing.
Set clear boundaries
Setting firm boundaries might initially upset your narcissistic grandmother, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth. Be less accessible to her.
Ignore the drama caused by her
Narcissists always need people around them to cause drama. So when a narcissistic grandmother creates drama, ignore all the chaos and overexaggerated situations.
In Conclusion
Narcissistic grandparents may also leave a deep impact on your child when you give it a thorough thought. There might be many unnoticeable minute changes in your child, which may be not recognizable in current scenarios, or they may be vague, but these changes can push your child towards adapting to narcissistic traits from their grandparents. So be mindful of what is being taught to your child and also regarding the upbringing and family dynamics just with the presence of a narcissistic grandparent in the family.
Not all narcissistic grandparents are toxic and wish ill for the family. But always being mindful and cautious may help. Definitely, you cannot choose your family members, parents grandparents, and also you are unable to change the ways they treat you, but you can always find ways to defend yourself and create healthy boundaries. Healing requires self-care, self-compassion, and a lot of patience. Be patient and accepting.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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