10 Signs The Narcissist Wants You Back
So how would a narcissist display the need to want you back? Let us know the signs the Narcissist wants you back. Breaking up with a narcissist is different than you might have imagined. Narcissists hoover around their exes for quite a long time, even after parting ways.
They may constantly try to contact their exes, signaling that they need. They might not directly portray it, but drop hints and signs for their exes to notice.
10 Signs The Narcissist Wants You Back
Narcissists have many methods when it comes to getting back with their exes for their own benefit. They may cry, beg, apologize, make promises, or resort to extreme measures like self-harm when they need you in their lives after parting ways. Here below are certain signs that indicate that the narcissist wants you back in their lives once again,
1. They keep on telling you that they are worried about you
Narcissists may show some concern about you out of the blue. They make it look like they are worried about you, whereas in reality they might not be worried they might just be pretending.
They pretend that they are worried about your well-being more than theirs. You might hear dialogues like,
They might show concern about their ex, and try contacting them with statements like, “Are you alright? I just had a bad feeling that something bad might happen to you.”
“Are you going through a bad phase in your life? Let me be there for you.”
2. They seek information about you
Narcissists are attention seekers and they might do everything to maintain or reconnect with their ex-partner. Even if you might have blocked your narcissistic ex or might have incorporated a no-contact rule, the narcissists might contact you through your mutual friends or family members to get information on you, even if you have parted ways with them.
They might also try to extract information about you through your mutual acquaintances. They may also drop by your place or at your workplace randomly, to meet you. If they are unable to meet you directly they might ask about you to your acquaintances or friends.
Some covert narcissists might also resort to using social media to get information about you. If any of the techniques do not turn out to be supportive, they might resort to negative ways, like spreading rumors and lies about you.
3. Telling their exes that they need help
Narcissists may tell their exes that they are unwell or they are in some sort of trouble and they need help from them to battle those problems. They may tell their ex that they are the only person who can help them and thus would demand them to get back with the narcissist.
They will constantly highlight that only you (their ex) can help them and thus would urge them to reconcile. For instance, they would state that they had a huge fight with their family, and only you(their ex) can help them solve the family matter as they are the one who understands them.
4. They keep turning up
Narcissists are attention-seekers and to gain your(their ex’s) attention they might resort to ways like accidentally texting their ex or making an unexpected call. They might also show up at places where they might have expected you.
Narcissists make sure their glimpses make you vulnerable and remind you of the great past you(their ex) had with them. But they would never accept that they are stalking you, they might always claim it as a coincidence.
Such behavior is most expected from a narcissist who has been either rejected or discarded. They get deeply hurt, when their partners leave them or reject them and thus they keep turning up by hoovering and reappearing back into their ex’s lives.
5. They may upturn the script of your story
Narcissists are manipulators who are highly capable of gaslighting their victims. So when their partners leave the narcissist, they would make sure that they see their partners daily.
They would make sure that they are present at every place that you may visit and gaslight you into believing that either you both are destined or such coincidences are natural indicators that you should get back with them.
For instance, they would choose the same gym and make it appear like you are stalking them by choosing the same gym.
They might state that,
“I think you are unable to get over someone kike me and thus following me everywhere.”
When you show an issue with them having the same gym and also the same gym timing they would state, “Why are you so bothered by my presence, it is a public space and I am just working out and focusing on my routine.”
They may also state, “Why are you focusing on me, if you want growth it would be better to be focused on yourself.”
This type of behavior is what they call flipping the script. The moment when you feel free from the abuser, they appear at that very moment and you are unable to do much about it.
6. Pretending like the Relationship is not yet over
Yes as absurd as it sounds, narcissists can never easily get over or move on from their exes and they would pretend to be still partners even though you might have discarded them. This way they pave the way to get back with their exes.
If the narcissist discarded you, then they might just prove how they were helping their partner to get some air by giving them space and they have not really parted ways. It was just their idea of giving a breather and they haven’t left their partners for real and for good.
In either of the cases, the narcissist doesn’t really understand the meaning of the word “no” and thus they keep crossing your boundaries. They might keep calling you, texting you, or trying to meet you. If you have blocked them, they might contact you indirectly with the help of a friend or a family member.
When you ask them to leave you alone, they might try to convince you that whatever is happening is just a phase and neither of you is ready to move past the relationship. And thus both should reconcile and get back together.
7. They play the victim
Playing the victim is a trump card for getting back together with their exes. It is a game that they play where they appear to be the mutilated party to gain attention. They will blame you for leaving them.
They may make statements like, “Am I so Unlovable?”
“What have I done to harm you?”
“I do not understand why are you being so mean and cruel to me.”
They may try to seek your attention through social media and might post something emotional or offensive to you just to get a response out of you.
A narcissist plays the victim just to gain your attention and sympathy from others. It is a manipulative technique that may make their partners feel guilty and lure them back into the toxic relationship.
8. They may send presents
Narcissists usually do this while in the love-bombing or the idealization phase of the relationship. It is a common tactic that they use to lure their partners into a toxic relationship by buying them extravagant, unexpected, and lavish gifts.
They also resort to this technique while winning back their exes. They believe that if they could win you over once by using presents as a tool then why not twice?
They might choose targeted dates like birthdays, Valentine’s Day, or some special date that holds a past memory that holds importance in your life.
9. They might insist upon the idea of being friends even after parting ways as romantic partners
A narcissist is always in search of supply, so a Narcissist would always want you to continue as friends even after breaking the relationship as romantic partners, so this depends upon you whether to be their victim again by accepting their offer.
Narcissists have a sense of entitlement which they fulfill with the help of the supply. They do not view a human as a human with needs, emotional attachment, or any source of emotional connection. They first view them as their source of supply, weigh their positives and negatives, and then proceed with them and visualize them as humans with substantial needs.
They may also slip in the idea of being friends with benefits so that they can fulfill their sexual desires too as they might have been comfortable with you.
10. They might blackmail you emotionally
Emotional blackmail is like a safe play for the narcissist. Though they may never fully understand how to connect with someone on an emotional level, they definitely know how to use those emotions to blackmail their exes, when they wish to get back with them.
They may make statements like, “You have hurt me beyond my imagination.”
“I did not expect such rude and unloving behavior from you.”
“You broke my heart by abandoning me.”
“If you ever had true feelings for me you would definitely give me another chance to prove my love for you.”
They do this to use your emotional vulnerability against you and lure you back into the abusive relationship once again. They believe that emotional dependency is a way to get back with their exes.
Why would you want to return to your toxic narcissistic ex?
Let us be honest and discuss some genuine concerns or reasons why you may want to reconcile or get back with the narcissist,
Maybe you fear abandonment and do not wish to be alone. You may also not be willing to find someone new and thus you may have an urge to reconcile with your narcissistic ex.
You may have false hopes of them changing for good for you.
You may be waiting for an apology from them or just a simple request that may open a way for you to be with them once again.
You may still want to believe that they love you indeed, and this is just a dark phase that may pass by.
You may worry about how others may perceive you after you leave them.
You may be afraid or may be so used to having the narcissist so much so that you have become dependent on them for all your needs.
How to avoid reconciling with a Narcissist?
Narcissists would try to come back into your life from time and often until they find a new supply. They would simply put a false act and show you that they have changed just for you, and want you back in their lives. When you decide to move on the narcissist would be harsh, feel agitated, and feel insulted as they always expected to have control over you. Now, this depends upon you whether to be their victim again or live a peaceful life without them.
Realize that they are a narcissist and they would be treating you the same way as they did while you were dating.
Narcissists do not change and their core personality and traits remain the same, and also the changes can be only surface level. So before you decide or agree to date them again, just remember the positive changes that you might notice can be short-term or surface-level changes, they might return to how they used to be in a short time once they have your attention.
They would want to be friends or crawl back into your life by all means even after breaking up, but do not get convinced by their act, be bold, and cut “all“ ties with them. Do not leave any loose ends for them to disrupt your life again.
Do not let anyone bring down your confidence and self-love. Narcissists have a tendency to ruin the definition for you, but find the meaning of love again by seeking help. Connect with nature, adopt a pet, or find new people to connect with.
Focusing on positivity, healing, and connecting with other people can help to cope with trauma. Do not compare and just letting go of things and situations can also help a lot. Focusing on yourself, your growth, your interests, and lastly your mental health; is the most crucial part.
Final Thoughts
If by chance you decide to give the narcissist one more chance to prove that they are worthy of having you in their lives, what is the surety that it might be different than before?
Do not get emotionally convinced and do not invite emotional, physical, and psychological abuse back into your life, that is what is suggested.
If you have made up your mind to get back with the narcissist, then take these hints because they also want the same.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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