How does a Narcissist React when you Stop Chasing them? (Do they want you to Chase them?)

by Ella Carrillo · January 15, 2023

How does a Narcissist React when you Stop Chasing them? Do they Want you to Chase them? Engaging with a Narcissist and their peculiar traits would always be unexplainable and may also make you question your choices. What happens when you ignore a narcissist? What happens when you decide to not pay attention to their needs and deeds? Would it be worth it if you stop chasing them?

Getting answers to these questions would be a way for you to make it out of a toxic relationship or at least not give in to a narcissist’s toxic behavior and needs. Let us find out answers to the above-mentioned questions especially, “How does a Narcissist React when you Stop Chasing them?”.

When you stop chasing someone, for whom you were once crazy or truly in love as you lost priority in their life or due to any reason, it may feel that life is much better than theirs; especially if that someone is a narcissist. If you are the chaser, and the narcissist is being chased, then it would be a very pleasing sight for a narcissist as they love attention, recognition, and consideration. But when you stop chasing them due to any reason, it might upset them, they may feel unloved, it may give a rise to their rage or they would try to seek your attention by hook or by crook.

Narcissists are not your regular dating partners, they are much more than that. They come with many questionable demands, and also their unforgettable charm. A narcissist seems charming and all appealing in the beginning, so you are into them and chase them as they would be dropping many hints that they are also as much attracted to you as you are to them, and so you decide to chase them until they fall for you.

But little do you know, all they want is this as they are attention hungry. In reality, they just want attention, desire, and chase without any feelings. There is hardly any love or any such real feelings involved when you want to lure a narcissist. It is with time that you realize their toxicity and realize how you have been lured into the relationship.

So you try your best to leave the relationship or ignore them, and just stop chasing them. But can you really leave them? A narcissist would even go to the extent of begging and blackmailing you when they realize that you are no longer chasing them. It is a natural reaction that they might feel hurt and most important s they feel that their fragile ego has been crashed when you stop chasing them. Narcissists would be having all sorts of thoughts when you stop chasing them or, “Have they found someone better than me?”, “Am I no longer desirable?” , “How dare they decide to abandon me?” along with many more complex questions.

What does a narcissist feel when you stop chasing them?

Narcissists have a very fragile ego with almost very little self-respect and self-esteem. They are dependent on various people for their happiness. They seek supply in the form of a partner. Supply is everything that makes them important like control, praise, worth, ego boost, and everything that makes them feel superior. Like everybody else, narcissists would also feel your absence when you stop chasing them and there are various reactions you can expect from a narcissist. One minute they can be love-bombing you and the next minute they might lash at you.

A narcissist will try to convince you, that your emotional reactions to the abuse are the problem when it’s actually the abuse that’s the problem.
E.S.

When you decide to stop chasing the narcissist, they may be harsh, feel agitated, and feel insulted as they always expected to have control over you. So now when you just stop admiring and chasing them, they would do everything in their power to lure you back. Narcissists would try everything to get you back if and when you lose your interest in them.

But if you know their insecurities, weaknesses, and weak points that might affect them in your absence do not try to mention or highlight those when you leave. If you leave without pushing their buttons, you might save yourself from the undesirable harshness of their behavior.

Run from people who say “you are so lucky to be with me”. If you reaaly are he won’t need to remind you.
– Emma Xu

How does a Narcissist react when you stop Chasing them?

Running away, ignoring, or leaving narcissists is difficult and may lead to two extreme possibilities and many more possibilities in between. Extremities include their rage, revenge, and hatred, while another possibility is their love bombing, flirting, and doing almost everything that might lure you back. Other possibilities are mentioned below,

They might start loving you
They will start flirting with you
They may devalue you
Narcissists have a very fragile ego, thus their rage
It might scare them, as the feeling of abandonment is not liked by anyone
They will start showing you off
They might do everything in their power to lure you back
They might hate you, and obtain their supply from the flying monkeys

1. They might start loving you

When a narcissist has you in their life, they would not understand the privilege and importance. But as soon as you stop chasing them, they would start feeling your absence. This way you be 24*7 in their mind, and with each and every gradual thought about you, they might get attracted to you. They would start noticing your absence and might also accept their feelings for you.

Walking away or stopping to chase them is one such fierce move that would blow their mind off. They would start thinking about all the scenarios without you in their life. In fact, they would be so engrossed in thinking about you that it might draw their attention to you, form an attachment and desire and this might result in them falling in love with you.

Narcissists usually do not form any emotional attachment but when you stop chasing them or provide them mixed signals, when they keep thinking about you and ways to gain you back, thus making attachment in the form of love one of the possibilities when you decide to cease the chase. From love bombing you, stalking you, following you, surprising you, showing their dependency on you, emotional manipulation, to all sorts of tactics, a narcissist would not back off until they notice some progress in their endeavors or until they seek your attention once again.

2. They will start flirting with you

Though a narcissist would never make it obvious that they miss you or they need you in life, in reality, they lack so much when you stop chasing them, they would just be miserable when they know that you are no more available for them. Just because of their huge ego and high self-pride they would not state this or mention this but they would show that through their behavior.

A narcissist fears losing control and hates ignorance. They feel the same as everyone; sad, fearful and hateful when they are no more being chased after or ignores them. But the only difference is their reaction. It does trigger them but they would not express it loudly. They would not demonstrate any loud reaction as this would make them seem benevolent.

Despite this fact, they would definitely find ways to stay in contact and flirt with you. They would text you, call you with all emotional drama, would exaggerate how sad they are after you left so that they can make you gullible and make you falling love with them all over again. They would even stalk you on all social media platforms.

3. They may devalue you

When you stop chasing a narcissist, it would hurt their fragile ego and would make them seem at fault. A narcissist would not hesitate even once to devalue you and spread rumors about you along with all sorts of stories and made-up lies to turn people around you against you.

For instance, when you stop chasing a narcissist, it is obvious that you would not answer their calls, or not reply to their texts. This is when they would feel hurt and this might also upset them. Narcissists also consider that they are more valuable than you, and when you leave them this directly affects them. They find it hard to believe that you have stopped chasing them or you no longer are interested in them.

4. Narcissists have a very fragile ego, thus their rage

The first and foremost reaction of a narcissist to any inconvenience caused by you is anger, rage, or wrath. If you have been with a narcissist you might be aware of their anger issues. They feel more agitated than usual when you stop chasing them. They would be harsh with their words. They would try to hurt you emotionally.

They might even call you names or use abusive vocabulary when you stop chasing them but do not get disheartened or terrified by their rage, as it is their go-to tactic to outburst their rage on you. Their fragile and huge ego makes them agitated to the extent that they might say harsh words or recall instances that might even hurt more.

5. It might scare them, as the feeling of abandonment is not liked by anyone

Abandonment is one of the greatest fears of a narcissist. They are most scared when you leave them or stop chasing them. They would use all sorts of flattery and trickery to lure you for giving in. It can be really difficult to break up or stop chasing a narcissist as they can blackmail you, take revenge, or hoover around for a long period of time. They do this because they do not want to lose control over their source of supply. And also it is always difficult to date a narcissist due to their anger issues and unhealthy behavior so they have to be dependent on a lot of people to get their supply.

A Narcissist would not want to cut ties completely with you. They would always want you to continue as friends even after breaking the relationship as romantic partners, so this depends upon you whether to be their victim again as friends.

6. They will start showing you off

Generally, narcissists may hesitate to introduce you to everyone who is important to them. So when you stop giving them attention, they decide to show you off or introduce you or mention you to those who are dear to them. They would do this to make it clear how much they care for you and love you and want your attention back.

Showing you off, mentioning you in important conversations, and praising you is their way of showing how much you matter to them when you stop chasing them.

7. They might do everything in their power to lure you back

This might include emotional manipulation, making false promises to change, repentance, or even begging to lure you back once you stop chasing them.

They would even not hesitate to reach out to your family members, friends, or anyone that you know to get the slightest hint about you. They can be creative at this point and just be ready to be surprised by unexpected ways through which they might try to get in touch with you once you start ghosting them.

Narcissists are smooth talkers and they can easily manipulate you with their nicely woven words and promises. A narcissist would be extremely charming and would only mirror the words that you might want to hear at the moment and would justify that you should return to them. This might create confusion for you as you would feel, you are extremely loved at the moment and might want to consider your decision, but do not get flattered by their sweet words because they would just be temporary.

Narcissists would use flattery and mirroring techniques for deceiving you, hide their true personality and intentions behind the mirrored image, distort your attention from reality and continue obtaining their supply. Narcissists may even succeed for once in their little trick of distorting reality but keep in mind that a narcissist tends to make lies once they gain your trust.

All of a sudden they would be full of emotions and sensitivity and would also act in the same manner. But remember this is all till they win you back. They would act gullible and would be ready to change for you. But remember change and narcissism are just opposites.

8. They might hate you, and obtain their supply from the flying monkeys

“Flying Monkeys” is a term used by mental health experts with reference to the characters of the Wizard of Oz, who followed the wicked, scary, and bad witch.

What does the term flying monkeys mean in the context of mental health issues?

“Flying Monkeys” is a term used for describing people who bid for narcissists, side with them, or do their dirty work to charge punishments on their targets. Flying Monkeys are the supporters, minions, and helpers who help their cruel agendas of threatening you, showing you what you are missing, or forcing you to get back with them.

These are also the people who provide them supply in your absence. They might also not allow you to break up peacefully.

Hate is a common reaction and results when you decide to move on and stop chasing a narcissist. They would utilize their flying monkeys to obtain their dose of supply and also make you feel jealous.

Would a Narcissist miss you when you stop chasing them?

So if you refer to and observe the dating pattern of a narcissist then the answer is very simple! No, a narcissist would not miss you, as they would just be concerned about obtaining their supply. But if they really care for you they would be all gullible and repentant just to show you and make you realize you matter somehow in their life. But deep down we all know a narcissist seldom changes and requires time to implement changes if at all they do change. They might not even have many regrets about you leaving them, instead, they would be all pent up and agitated about losing their control and supply.

They would simply put a false act and show you that they have changed just for you, and want you back in their lives. Just remember these points when they persuade you not to break up,

Narcissism, no truths, and all lies are all part of the same sentence or are synonyms.
When a narcissist feels the need to dominate the situation or try to impress or prove their worth, this is when they resort to all sorts of lies without considering any other fact.
Narcissists cannot leave their roots, but yes they can change over a long time. This would need your time, energy, patience, and a lot of compromises.
Remember all that mental trauma, mental torture, and the energy drains that you have faced by being with them.
They would just be nice to you until they persuade you to get back with them, after that you will again notice their true colors.
Just do not fall victim to their innocent lies, sugar-coated promises, and fake sadness just to enhance their impact on you.

Do they want you to Chase them?

It is a definite yes! Of course, narcissists want you to chase them. A Narcissist is an individual who is excessively obsessed to have control over all situations in their life along with a strong sense of hankering.

Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

How does a Narcissist React when you Stop Chasing them? (Do they want you to Chase them?)

What does a narcissist feel when you stop chasing them?