How Long Will a Narcissist Hoover? (How to Stop Him/Her?)

by Ella Carrillo · April 9, 2023

How Long Will a Narcissist Hoover? What is Hoovering? Why does a narcissist Hoover? Is it normal? Can it be threatening or dangerous for you? Going further through the article would be providing all the answers to all the questions related to hoovering.

What is Hoovering?

As much as we would like to believe that a relationship with a narcissist is over once we decide to leave, it is often not the case. Narcissists often engage in a tactic known as hoovering, where they attempt to suck their victims back into their lives, even after they have left.

The term Hoovering is often referred with Narcissist Hoovering because individuals with some personality disorder like NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and is associated with them. So yes narcissist hoovering is a manipulative tactic used by a narcissist to lure you back into the toxic relationship in which you probably had suffered enough. Narcissist Hoovering is like they would not let go of a person even though they do not want to be in touch, especially their exes.

Hoovering is a tactic that narcissists use to re-establish contact with their victims after they have left the relationship. The term originated from the Hoover vacuum cleaner, as the vacuum cleaner sucks all the dust and debris, the same entails narcissistic hoovering as they also suck their victims back into their world of manipulation and abuse.

The ultimate goal of hoovering is to lure the victim back into the relationship by manipulating them emotionally and making them feel guilty for leaving in the first place.

Narcissist Hoovering is usually deceptive as they lie smoothly and can do that without blinking. Their promises to change are mere words and hollow sentences. They do not change completely. They would still have those toxic traits and they would make shallow, fake, and convincing promises that you would uncover when you get back with them.

Narcissists hardly change. It is not that they would not change at all, but that process would be tiring and time-consuming. So do not fall, victim, if you are not that into the person and also to Deceptive Narcissist Hoovering. Just save yourself and enjoy the freedom you have gained through the separation from the narcissist before it is late.

It needs a far-sighted individual to figure out the hoovering. You might not be able to understand this at first but when you look at the bigger picture from afar you might recognize the narcissistic relationship and the hoovering.

Why do Narcissists Hoover?

Narcissists try to hoover around their exes and victimize them again, as they cannot let go easily. It can be really difficult to break up with a narcissist as they can blackmail you, take revenge, or hoover around for a long period of time. They do this because they do not want to lose control over their source of supply. And also it is always difficult to date a narcissist due to their anger issues and unhealthy behavior so they have to be dependent on a lot of people to get their supply. This is also one of the reasons why narcissists Hoover.

After how long does the Narcissist start Hoovering after a breakup?

There is no specific time limit on this. A narcissist can hoover immediately, or within a week, a month or it can also take as much as a year. This time depends upon the individual. They may not even hover if they have really moved on or found a new partner. When they are out of supply, that is when they start hoovering in search of supply in the form of getting validation, control, and attention.

How Long Will a Narcissist Hoover?

The answer to this question is not specific, as it depends upon several factors, such as the intensity of the relationship, how long it lasted, and the severity of the narcissistic personality disorder.

There is no specific time that can be provided as an assurance, for this particular question. But they would hoover until they get their supply in the form of getting validation, control, and attention. Once they stop getting what they want, or once they find their new source for supply they might stop hoovering around you.

For example, if the relationship was short-lived and the narcissist had other sources of narcissistic supply, then they might not hoover at all or might do it for a short period of time. On the other hand, if the relationship was lengthy and the victim of the narcissist abuse was the sole and final source of the narcissistic supply, then the narcissists could hoover for months or even years until they find a new source for obtaining their dose of the narcissistic supply.

Narcissistic hoovering can range from them being extra lovey-dovey to suicide threats. So prepare yourself for some of the most unexpected twists and turns if you were dating a narcissist and broke up, or are thinking to bring.

This does not mean that you should not break up with a narcissist. Of course, freeing from toxicity is all we require. Do not be afraid and lead a free happy life. If they hoover just ignore them, find someone new to state that you are no longer available, or if you are not yet ready to date someone new then just be straightforward about being unapproachable and just stop providing them the supply.

It is also important to note here that narcissists are unpredictable, and their hoovering tactics can come out of nowhere. They may hoover after several days or months of not communicating, or even after a certain time after breaking up. Thus it is advisable not to assume a specific timeline for hoovering as it varies from one narcissistic individual to another based on their personalities and stock of narcissistic supply.

Do all Narcissists hoover?

The answer is a yes and a no. Usually, it is observed by psychology experts that many narcissists hoover as they cannot go along for a long time without getting their dose of supply like validation, ego boosts, praise, vulnerabilities, and much more so they probably hoover.

In case they have found someone new as their supply source, or they are simply not interested in you as much then they might not hoover.

But if they are truly into you, then they might hoover and not give up until you give up and return to the toxic relationship. They are headstrong about hoovering in such cases.

Examples of Narcissist Hoovering Tactics

Hoovering can be manifested in various ways, such as sending texting text messages, emails, or voicemails, showing up announced, or even through social media platforms. Some examples of Narcissist Hoovering Tactics are as follows;

By starting with simple accidental texts, calls, or even meetups
Next comes the reappearing
Calling on special dates and occasions
Reaching out through social media
Intimidating threats of self-harm
Trying to befriend you
Making big commitments and promises
Not letting go of your possessions
Demanding a closure
Bethinking past memories and reminding them
Presenting themselves as a changed individual
Flaunting with a new partner
Out-of-the-blue meetups on holidays or special reminiscing dates
Reaching out to your family, friends, or acquaintances
They would do anything to break your confidence
Love bombing you with gifts and so-called attachment

So if you are someone who is being a victim of narcissistic hoovering and is irritated and done with this or the narcissist is lingering around for some time now, and you are wondering when would they stop or how to make it stop? If all this is clouding your mind, do not worry about it. There are a few ways to avoid engaging with a narcissist’s hoovering manipulation tactics which are mentioned below,

How does one stop a narcissist from Hoovering?

1. Implementing No Contact

The best and most effective way to stop narcissist hoovering is implementing a no-contact or do not respond at all. The best way to ensure that a narcissist does not hoover is by implementing a no-contact rule. The primary goal is to make it challenging for the narcissist to contact the victim, as a lack of contact makes it almost impossible for the narcissist to manipulate the situation.

What is the “NO CONTACT” rule?

The “NO CONTACT” rule means going completely off contact or an off-reach approach with them be it by deleting or blocking them on social media, blocking their phone number, not visiting places that you expect them to be, or even going to extreme limits like switching your grocery stores, taking different metros, or avoiding any activity that you think you might bump into them. If it is possible relocating would also be better. This ensures that you keep your distance from them to ease the revenge phase for the hurt they have caused.

The no-contact rule is one of the best methods to just forget about an ex-partner or move on from them. You can gain the upper hand by applying the no-contact rule from your side, and this can injure a narcissist and their ego severely. Here they would not be able to do anything but suffer, and it is you who has control of the situation which is enough to piss them off or make them restless. To get rid of the narcissist, the no-contact rule must stay implemented for a bare minimum of 60 days or more than that. This period is enough for both; for you to move on and for them to stop chasing and hoovering around you.

What is Narcissistic Injury?

Narcissistic injury can be defined as a phenomenon or circumstance that can cause damage to a narcissist’s fragile and sensitive ego. They face this when they feel they are rejected, criticized, blamed, insulted, ghosted, ignored, and so on. Narcistsc injuries are psychological as they affect their mental health and leave a huge impact on them. Narcissists can not let go of things, people, and situations that easily and so due to their dissatisfied selves, they are prone to such psychological injuries which are known as narcissistic injuries.

2. Set Firm Boundaries

Narcissists thrive on their victim’s submission to their demands, whims, fancies, and desires. Setting firm boundaries is crucial in maintaining distance and deterring a narcissist’s hoovering attempts. Victims need to be clear in communicating the consequences of unwanted contact, should the narcissist ignore boundaries. This can include legal injunctions, restraining orders, and reporting harassment to the police where necessary.

Drawing clear boundaries would ensure that a narcissist has no longer control over you. What is clearing boundaries? It means you can ask a narcissist not to call you anymore, you can block them, you can move on without their consent, and by stating clearly that they should keep their distance from you and that they have no control over you.

3. Seek Support

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be detrimental to one’s emotional and psychological well-being. Breaking free of their hold can be challenging, so seeking support from a trusted friend, family member or therapist is crucial. Support can provide comfort and validation, boost objectivity, and aid in the healing process.

4. Focus on Self-Care

Recovering from a relationship with a narcissist can take time, and it is crucial to focus on self-care during the process. Victims need to focus on their physical health with the help of establishing routines for yoga, exercise, and anything else they intend to stay fit. They also need to focus on their psychological and emotional/mental health with the help of meditation, engaging in hobbies or developing some kind of vocational skills, and participating in social activities. Such self-care activities may be proven helpful and might keep you busy while avoiding the temptation to reconnect with the narcissist.

Celebrate your little victories, consult a therapist, get help from loved ones, be grateful for what you have rather than what is lost, sleep well, eat well, stay with family, be positive, and live your best life. Working on your self-confidence, your goals, and mental peace on mental health aspects.

Inference

The duration of a narcissist’s hoovering is unpredictable and it varies from person to person. The best way to stop a narcissist from hoovering is by following the above-mentioned steps to ensure they are aware that you would no more be entertaining them and thus their purpose of sucking you back into their lives will be no more successful. It is essential to remember that breaking free from a relationship with a narcissist is achievable, but seeking help might become necessary.

Hoovering is always intended for the emotional ex-partner that a narcissist tries to regain. It is the vulnerabilities that the narcissist takes an advantage of. Narcissistic hoovering can range from them being extra lovey-dovey to suicide threats. So prepare yourself for some of the most unexpected twists and turns if you were dating a narcissist and broke up, or are thinking to bring.

Do not be lured by a narcissist once you break up with them. Just recollect all the bitter memories with them before reconciling. Just keep moving forward.

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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.