How To Communicate With Narcissists? -7 Tips To Have Manageable Conversations With Them

by Ella Carrillo · March 6, 2024

How to communicate with Narcissists? Communicating with a narcissist differs from the generic conversations that you have with other people as they are expert manipulators, and can entangle you in their twisted words.

The conversation may be driven to them, they may only be discussing their greatness, their grandiosity, achievements, inflated sense of self, an unanswered need for attention, admiration, and validation.

It is essential to understand that having conversations with a narcissist can make you feel like you have underachieved in life, or their achievements are very huge and you may doubt your success rate, and all such thoughts may cross your mind.

But do not get upset and make yourself feel insignificant, as narcissists have a way with words, and they like to grab attention by discussing them and just them.

To have equable conversations with a narcissist, you must understand what is a narcissist and how their thought processes work!

The key to having efficient and unruffled conversations with narcissists is understanding and recognizing their behavior patterns, navigating emotional responses, and controlling your feelings that may arise during the communication. Relationships may vary but the key to conversations remains constant.

Understanding Narcissism

Narcissism is a personality disorder that is a clinically proven mental health illness, which requires a diagnosis to claim someone as a narcissist. It is a deep-rooted personality trait. People who suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder are termed as Narcissists.

So if you wish to have an efficient conversation with a narcissist you must understand how their psychology works. They have a stronger sense of self due to which they have traits like feeling entitled, having grandiose self-esteem, need for validation and praise, and an urge to manipulate people around them for their benefit.

Due to their personality traits, they may be unable to understand other people’s perspectives and thus end up hurting them frequently. They may never understand other people’s feelings, emotions, and viewpoints.

Thus these traits can make communicating with a narcissist challenging. They thrive on admiration with one-sided needs, and validation from others. To have a manageable interaction with them, you must have patience and also find ways to maintain your self-worth.

How To Communicate With Narcissists? – 7 Tips to have manageable conversations with them

By implementing these communication strategies you can make your interactions with them less stressful and one-sided. Here are a few tips,

1. Using impersonal language

It would be helpful if you make general yet factual statements without getting involved in the conversation emotionally. Avoid bringing topics that may cause you trouble, like topics from the past.

Try making assertive statements with neutral language to curb their toxic and abusive behavior. Try providing short answers with a simple “yes” or “no”. Do not “I” statements, and try not to agree or disagree with them. Maintaining a calm tone with neutral language is the key.

Try not to involve them in your life through conversations and have generalized yet attention-grabbing conversations otherwise the narcissist would drag the conversation to themselves and boast about their life and achievements.

2. Being Direct

Making to-the-point conversations can help you avoid all the extra topics that they may drag in while avoiding the main topic. Being direct is the primary need to have efficient conversations with narcissists as they have difficulty understanding indirect subtitles, or indications and they may fail to get the nuances of the topic if you are not clear and direct.

Narcissistic conversations are focused on themselves and are driven by their best interests. Make sure that you only share factual information and do not make anything up as narcissists can detect false information and you may get into trouble. Try sharing irrelevant points while having a conversation with the narcissist.

3. Focus on solutions and not the issue

When you have an issue with the narcissist and you try to have “The Talk” with them, first off they may try to avoid having such conversations. Even if you manage to get them to listen, you may be unable to hold their attention span for a longer time.

Narcissists have deep-rooted insecurities and they avoid such conversations to avoid shame, and accountability for their deeds. So try not to go back to the problem and the cause of it, but try finding a solution and discuss that instead.

The narcissist would manipulate you when you provide them constructive criticism or help for solving the issues. They may feel they are being judged even though your intent would be otherwise.

Thus direct the issue directly, without losing your cool, and directly seek a solution.

For instance, you may have a narcissistic employee who may be the problematic one in the team due to their work efficiency. You must discuss this directly and try to find solutions to make them productive without offending and humiliating them.

4. Avoid emotional responses

Narcissists feed upon the emotional reactions that they receive from others. They may make up grievance stories just to gain sympathy and empathy from you. If you try to understand their point of view and show empathy, then you are on good terms with them.

But even if you provide your viewpoint or criticize them indirectly you may cause trouble for yourself. Even if their behavior seems unreasonable, avoid responding emotionally.

When the narcissist receives an emotional reaction, it may suffice for their toxic behavior.

They thrive on drama and chaotic situations. Your emotional reactions may act like wind to the fire. It will give a boost to the narcissist’s abuse and toxicity and will give them one more chance to manipulate you.

Thus do not engage in any emotional responses and reactions while interacting with narcissists.

5. Set Firm Boundaries

The most efficient way to have fruitful conversations with a narcissist is by drawing and maintaining certain boundaries that may ensure your privacy is not invaded and you are not manipulated into believing what they wish you to believe.

It is a common scene where a narcissist is trying to dominate communications and make them one-sided. Their pitch may rise above yours, or they may speak louder just to make a point. They may overtalk you and constantly interrupt you when they wish to control the conversations.

They may also disagree with you instantly and would not allow you to finish your statements too. They may disregard your opinions.

There is an efficient way to ensure that you are not a victim of all this, by ensuring firm boundaries.

Boundaries also ensure that your rights are safe and also protect you from verbal abuse, drama, and other manipulative tactics.

For example, if a narcissistic friend or colleague keeps on insulting you and belittling you, you must communicate clearly that such behavior is unacceptable and distance yourself from them. Boundaries will ensure your emotional well-being and preserve your self-respect.

6. Be careful in your choice of words

Orienting conversations is in your hands when you are in the driving seat for the conversations with the narcissist. Try to choose a calm and composed approach with them instead of being aggressive, violent, or harsh with your words.

It is challenging to maintain your cool when you have to deal with nagging, negativity, and self-driven conversations, but being calm may save you from getting involved deeply in the conversations and thus save you from futuristic troubles.

Try to maintain peace as much as possible. They may find ways to annoy you, but you make sure you are unaffected by their melancholy.

7. Avoid having conversations with them if possible

The best and the most effective way to communicate with a narcissist is not to have a conversation at all. Avoid communicating with narcissists when it is not something urgent and super necessary.

What should be expected when you have a conversation with a narcissist?

Expect them to insult you, expect to get embarrassed, get ready to get delusional with their gaslighting, get ready to be distracted, and also be prepared to face their rage. You may also be not respected and expect them to drive conversations the way they please.

Thus entirely avoiding conversations with them, can be the best possible way to avoid uninvited trouble, and in adverse cases, if you have to have conversations with them, try to minimize your interaction.

Here are a few extra tips to have an effective conversations with the narcissists,

Recognize that you are talking with a NARCISSIST
Set your tolerance high
Do not get distracted by their tantrums
Be careful with the choice of words
Be careful with feedback
Set rules for conversations
Try to make written agreements
Pay attention to your mental health
Keep your expectations under control
Keep the clarity of the topic
Keep the focus of your conversation

Here is a technique named, D.E.E.P created by Dr. Ramani Durvasula for communicating with a narcissist,

Don’t Defend – While dealing with narcissists, do not defend your perspective and truth. Do not spend your efforts trying to convince someone who in no state is ready to understand you.

Don’t Engage – Keep your conversations brief and factual and do not be involved in long conversations that may drive you into their manipulative tactics.

Don’t Explain – When you are dealing with a narcissist do not explain yourself as they may be least interested in listening to you.

Don’t Personalize – This is the most common technique, as it may help you limit your emotional responses, behavior, and issues.

Final Thoughts

Communicating with a narcissist is challenging, but strategic communication can help reduce the difficulties that may come with having a conversation with the narcissist.

Thus the best and the most effective way to communicate with a narcissist is not to have a conversation at all. Avoid communicating with narcissists when it is not something urgent and super necessary.

But do not get upset and make yourself feel insignificant, as narcissists have a way with words, and they like to grab attention by discussing them and just them.

Author
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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

How To Communicate With Narcissists? -7 Tips To Have Manageable Conversations With Them

Understanding Narcissism